We have them all below, but here are some of our Top Themed Playgrounds;

• Thorndon Reserve (Birds)
• Largs Foreshore (Ice Cream)
• Stanley Street Reserve (Bees)
• Jubilee Playground Port Noarlunga (Pirates)
• Kapunda Playground (Trains)
• Morialta Adventure Playground (Nature)
• Barossa Adventure Station (Trains)
• GT Fisher Victor Harbor (Trains)
• Jack Watkins Reserve Playground (Trains)

Scroll down for all the pics and info you will need to tackle your next adventure.

Animal Themed Playgrounds

Thorndon Reserve, Paradise

Australia’s Best Playground as voted in 2023, the incredible bird themed playground has some of the most unique and wonderful equipment in South Australia. The kids will love climbing through the huge structures and this is one of those play spaces where you can easily spend the day.

Read all about this great spot here!

Cormorant Drive Reserve, Hallett Cove

A giant Diprotodon (pre-historic wombat) is the star attraction at this playground down south, a nod to fossils of the extinct giant that was found in the area. Great fun to learn about and even better fun to climb.

Read all about it here!

Sturt Reserve, Murray Bridge

Home to the world (wellā€¦.SA at least) famous Bunyip, this attraction at Sturt River Reserve has scared kids for generations and delighted parents equally as much. The Bunyip is currently in really good condition and is primed to scare the shite out of anyone under the age of 10 and quite a few older than that. An all round ripper of a playground which is fully fenced, fully shaded and absolutely enormous. Donā€™t forget the pump tracks, rage cages (its a sport thingā€¦not where you leave angry kids) and a fantastic skate park.

Read more about it here

Sea Turtle Park Playground, Port Noarlunga South

Turtle Park Playground is the latest in Hickinbotham and Land SA’s housing developments vision to create playgrounds as the hub of these new communities. This one is suited for the younger kids under 6.

Read more about it here

Keith Stephenson Reserve, Mount Barker

A wonderfully updated playground (in 2024) which focusses on the local wildlife, this fully fenced playground is great for the under 10s and is highlighted by a giant climbable turtle.

Check it out here!

Stanley Street Reserve, Glengowie

This bee themed playground down south is up there for the cutest playground in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½. Let your little ones explore and learn all about the world of bees, while having some fun on the unbee-lievable equipment.

Check it out here!

Greenslade Playground, Paradise

A lovely little playground in the north east, home to what I wrongly identified as a Dinosaur on facebook a while back (thankfully the internet politely advised me of the error of my ways), this dragon themed spot is a fave with the locals and has some fab equipment to boot. Check it out here!

Boat Playgrounds

St Kilda Adventure Playground

One of 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ā€™s playground icons, the adventure playground is also home to the famous pirate ship which 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ kids have enjoyed for what seems like forever. Every kid has at some point, stood on that ship and looked out to sea and imagined they were sailing the seven seas looking for treasure. The playground itself is probably 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ā€™s biggest and maybe most famous. A bit of a trek out north but totally worth it and a rite of passage (along with schoolies and doing something stupid to end up on Sh*t91¹ū¶³“«Ć½) for all South Aussies.

For more on this fantastic spot click here

Mary Ann Reserve Playground, Mannum

Located on the beautiful riverbanks of Mannum lies this fully fenced playground. Not only does this playground have a boat for your little ones to play on, you are right at the heart of the river bank where house boats dock and boats are at full force during the summer months. Our little ones even loved watching the ferry cross the river while they were playing. With toilets close by and a shade sail, this is the perfect playground to add to your road trip list.

For more on this fantastic spot click here

AA Bailey Reserve, Clarence Gardens

We love this huge plagryound at Clarence Gardens, which has so much to offer kids of all ages, least of all the pirate loving tikes who will gain their sea legs on the really cool pirate ship. The pirate ship here may be a bit smaller, but the playground is an absolute fave. It is basically 2 big playgrounds in one, with nature play, toddler age equipment plus climbing equipment that caters to the older kids

more info here

Jubilee Adventure Playground, Port Noarlunga

One of the biggest and best playgrounds in the deep south, the ā€˜woodenā€™ playground at Porties includes a huge wooden fort inspired throughout with boating themes, to give you the impression of being on a massive wooden boat. The kids will love running around and being fully fenced (the fort partā€¦.the other nature section isnā€™t sadly) you can let the kids run around knowing they (probably) canā€™t get out.

More pics and info here

Moana Seaside Park

A brand new addition to the pirate playground landscape, opening in June 2020 is this ripper of a playground way down south at Moana! The highlight of this playground is the brightly coloured pirate ship with added escape slide for those who donā€™t want to walk the plank. A very popular new addition for the locals, we loved our recent visit!

Read more here

Angus Neil Reserve, Seacliff

Beaches = Pirates. So it makes sense that one of the best beachside playgrounds along our southern coast has a sweet little nature inspired pirate ship. This is a ripper playground and one of the best party playgrounds going around too, so if you want to book a party for your pirate loving tykes, give this a look.

More info here

Bandon Reserve Marino

With some spectacular views along our southern coast, Bandon Reserve landed a nautical makeover in 2021, which makes for a picture perfect pit stop as you head down for a day at the beach. With great climbing equipment and of course a boat to explore, this is a ripper.

More pics and info here

Train Themed Playgrounds

GT Fisher Playground, Victor Harbor

The OG train playground, with the huge steam train being parked in this playground as long as I can remember (lets just say 30 odd years). Now massively renovated to include one of the best nature playgrounds in the state, the train remains (slightly modified for safety compared to years gone by) for kids to climb all over and imagine being an engineer!

All the pics and info here

Tolley Reserve Playground, Nuriootpa

Tolley Reserve, or Nuriootpa Train Playground is a large open space for kids of all ages and abilities. It makes the perfect stop on a day out at the Barossa Valley so that the kids can play and run off some energy! The full size old train has been there for years and is an icon in the area.

All the pics and info here

Victoria Square, Kadina

One of our fave regional playgrounds, this place is massive and suits all ages. Including a huge fully fenced (and shaded) playground for the younger crew, as well as a very high treetop climbing set up (it is really high!), add to that the Apex Express, a huge train full of space for the kids to climb on the explore.

More on this ripper here

Tailem Bend Playground

Train fans this one is for you! That might even equally apply to the train enthusiast parents as well, because this one is a beauty! A fully fenced, humungous playspace in the heart of Tailem Bend, this one not only caters to train fans but includes a great range of play equipment for all ages. When we popped in for a visit, there were lots of local families enjoying what is obviously THE place to be for families in Tailem Bend.

Plan your day trip here

Jack Watkins Reserve, Kilburn has had a multi million dollar upgrade, and has officially opened in September 2025. Expect to find an incredibly creative TRAIN THEME here, with a lot of inclusive thought across some elements. The smaller kids will adore the train-themed fun, including train, carriages and ticket booths. There are facilities galore! With two sets of toilets, multiple water refill stations, BBQs, and more sheltered seating and tables than weā€™ve ever seen at a park!

 Find out more here

Barossa Adventure Station

Another brand new playground is this belter up at Angaston, which draws on the old train station land where it was developed. Kids can slide down the huge tube slide from the tower into the train carriage themed area down on the lower level. Great fun! So much more to do, including bike tracks and a skate park. One of our fave day trip playground destinations which will take you through the stunning 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ Hills.

Plan your day here

Crozier Reserve Daw Park

We love a hidden gem and for the little train lovers down south, this one at Daw Park is a fully fenced beauty. Light on equipment but big on peace and serenity, this ideal toddler playground includes a small train which is perfect for imagination play.

Read more here.

Kapunda Lions Park Playground

What a gem of a regional playground this one is! Fully fenced and spacious, with plenty of natural and artificial shade, plus one of the best trains (full sized we might add) we have seen in quite some time. Leo is an old steam engine from the copper mining days of the town, and your train loving kids will be all over this one. 

Read more here.

Kadina Playground

Some people think this is the best playground on the Yorke Peninsula, and weā€™d have to agree it would certainly be up there! This park also has a FULL SIZE TRAIN with a ramp to jump in the back. All aboard the Apex Express!

 

Read more here.

Croydon Playground

This playground is a little gem with its own little train, perfect for those young train enthusiasts. The kids will love this park as itā€™s right next to the Croydon Train Station and the kids can view the train coming and going frequently- right up close! Donā€™t worry- the playground is fully fenced and now has toilets! 

Check it out here.

Dinosaur Playgrounds

Greenglade Playground, Paradise

Do you have a Dinosaur loving kid? Greenslade Playground at Paradise is a lovely little spot with a really cool dinosaur that you (or the kidsā€¦but donā€™t let me stop you!) can climb all over and through a little dino-tunnel! How cool!

All the pics and info here

Hazelwood Park Playground, Burnside

The Womat Waterhole playground also features a dinosaur dig sandpit where you can bring our your inner paleantologist and dig for dinosaur bones.

All the pics and info here

Cormorant Drive Reserve Playground, Hallett Cove

This reserve has an interesting history with a Diprotodon (Giant Wombat) fossil remains found here in 1992. This Australian megafauna was the worldā€™s largest marsupial and lived between 15,000-10,000 years ago.

Check it out here

Naracoorte Caves Fossil Hunters Playground

The Naracoorte Caves are a world famous natural wonder right here on our doorstep, but did you know they also have a (probably) world famous nature playground as well? We visited last year and it is just sensational. Fossil themed naturally, kids will love exploring and digging their way around this sensational facility. On your trip to the caves, allow time to explore this spot.

 More info here.

Adventure/Nature Playgrounds

Morialta Conservation Park Playground

Maybe 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ā€™s premier nature playground, Morialta is a sensational spot for 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ families located in the eastern suburbs, which forms part of the larger conservation park (stunning family walksā€¦more on those here!), a perfect day out at Morialta will have the kids running around and exploring the magnificent scenery and playing on all the wonderful play equipment which blends seamlessly into the environmentā€¦.except the 3 storey tube slideā€¦you canā€™t hide that!

Read more on this 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ fave here

St Kilda Adventure Park

An Adelaie icon for what feels like generations, St Kilda Adventure Playground has had a few upgrades over the years and is still a fabulous spot for a day out with the family. Plenty of space, all the facilities you would want and some incredible play equipment.

Read more on this 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ fave here.

Mitcham Reserve

This has always been a rather spectacular spot due to the beautiful scenery, nearby creeks (and awesome coffee shops around Mitcham), but after a massive redevelopment in about 2018, it is even more special now. Constructed using beautiful wooden materials of different shapes and sizes, the kids will feel like they have been transported to some sort of medieval kingdom with the highlight being the huge tower and tube slide (we know, not many tube slides in ye olde times but a bit of poetic licence here). This is the perfect playground picnic spot too, with so much grass and shade from the trees.

Just love this one and you can find out more here!

Marshmallow Park

If you have a kid that has gone on any excursion to the city with kindy in the past few years, chances are they ate lunch here so the teachers could rest. A fully fenced sandpit with lots of water and play equipment, pack extra clothes for this one. Located on Glen Osmond Road in the city, it really is a fantastic playground and one of our faves for the little kids, with some great natural elements to climb on and interact with, plus some really cool standard playground equipment. If your kid loves to get messy, this is the park for them.

Read more here!

Largs Foreshore

An ice cream themed playground by the beach? How good is this! So unique it really fits in its own category, this 2024 built playspace out at Largs Foreshore is your wildest dreams come true. Full of ice cream themed equipment, your kids will love it!

Read more here

Glenthorne Adventure Playground

Opened in late 2023 in our brand new Glenthorne National Park, the nature playground is absolutely sensational, with several playspaces offering an abundance of nature themed play, as well as some great climbing towers and slides.

Get all the info here.

Lobethal Bushland Park

Set amongst family friendly walking trails, this 2023 built playground offers play areas for little and big kids alike, allowing some fabulous play amongst the beautiful scenery of the nature reserve.

Get all the info here.

Hope Valley Reservoir Playground

A playground set amongst the beauty of one of our largest reservoirs? How good is that! Nature themed play aplenty here and explore the reservoir afterwards.

Get all the info here.

Bowman Park Port Pirie

Located up at Port Pirie (near Crystal Brook to be exact), this is such an incredible playground built by the very talented team at . A short detour off the highway, it is well worth the trip. This was really a local project with materials and talented local trades used to bring this to life!

More info and pics here.

Jervois Street Reserve

One of the best playgrounds in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½, is this ripper at South Plympton. It is fully fenced to lock in those scallywag tearaway little kids, it has an older kids playground with flying fox and other climbing/sporting stuff to do, but it is the nature play which brings us here today. With fantastic wood and stone pieces to climb on, plus every parents favourite playground featureā€¦.sand and water play, the little ones will have a blast. So much more to do that hasnā€™t been listed here.

read more on our review here

Belair Adventure Playground

This is THE quintessential nature playground in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½. Located in Belair National Park (so obviously a bucketload of nature everywhere you look), it is a bit more dated compared to the others listed but some things get better with ageā€¦..not saying this has gotten better with age unfortunately (it hasnā€™t really changed since I first went 30 odd years ago), but it is still a sensational spot. Apart from the playground you get to experience all that the national park has to offer, which is always a perfect family day out (or weekend if you want to camp). The playground has all the classic features you remember from school excursions in the 80s, the huge wooden fort, the cement tunnel network to hide inā€¦.bliss. For some reason this playground always reminds me of giant arrowroot bush biscuits, which I think was the school snack of choice for excursions a long, long time ago.

Anyway, more info and pics here!

Based around the existing trees in the Blackwood Park Estate this play space is an adventure haven. As soon as you arrive you see this amazing tall red climbing structure nestled among the trees. As we got closer I was nervous for the kids already up the top but they we just LOVING it. I watched the kids climb the rope stair case or strategically weave in and out of the ropes to find the openings to gain access to the rope bridge that leads to an awesome twister tube slide. My parent friend who joined me at the park with his son couldn’t resist the temptation and had to see what all the fuss was about so took the plunge with the kids.

View was awesome the slide was dark, fast and FUN. Lets face it we all have the inner child still within. I was happy to keep an eye on the kids and keep my feet firmly on the ground!

Whilst the rope climb is the centre piece of this awesome new play space there are lots of other pieces of equipment for the kids to enjoy. The wooden climbing frame set in the sandpit was a huge hit with the little ones. There is lots of things to turn, pull down on, climb on and dig with and we loved eating the sand. Right next to the sandpit is a colourful egg shaped sculpture where the kids can climb up into and enjoy the smaller slippery slide.

The park also features a swing set including a baby swing and a bouncy sea saw for the little ones along with a sit on turning circular roundabout. Just need to hold on tight with this one as it is easy to fall off if it is going a little faster than expected. There is also a grassed area for rug picnics or for the he kids kick or throw the ball or run off some more steam.

This play space has such a lovely vibe with all the existing tall trees providing shade over the equipment but there is no shade cloth. There is a sheltered picnic area along with a few scattered bench seats. The play space has NO FENCE and no toilets and even with an upgrade in mid 2026, there is no change. They have however added;

• A new junior play area
• Shade and seating
• Greening opportunities
• A drinking fountain

Not far from here is also the new Oaktree Nature Park so why not try both. As this playspace is in the residential area there are no immediate coffee shops close by so I suggest a quick stop in Blackwood. The council have done an amazing job utilising this tree space to provide the local community and beyond with a play space designed around and incorporating the existing space.

Definitely worth a visit.

For those who grew up in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½, you’d probably have been out St Kilda Adventure Playground when you were a kid, but have you been back since 2015?

It’s got all the awesome stuff that I remember from my childhood, and more… and green grass, less dust, water, shade and well, it’s just BIGGER AND BETTER than I remember too!

St Kilda’s huge makeover was completed in 2015 with a brand new metal/mesh 3 storey castle on one hill complete with 3 metal slides a completely renovated ‘Volcano’ with 4 slides on the other hill and in between a whole range of swings, slides, flying foxes, climbing nets and equipment toddlers right up to teenagers will enjoy

Highlights

• The HUGE old school metal slide from my childhood is still there, but there are also a bunch of other new metal slides now too – remember to bring your own slippery blanket, hessian sack or similar to slide on if you’re a thrill seeker
• 1 big BIG flying fox for the older kids, and one smaller one perfect for primary kids. The big one is epic…..possibly the best one in S.A?
• A completely new metal castle (where the old wooden one used to be) on top of the hill looking out across the whole playground which has a bunch of slides of various heights.
• A maze
• Liberty swing and a wheelchair accessible slide,
• Really big ‘little kids’ play structure with multiple slides, steps, ramps, naughts & crosses,
• Sandpit diggers,
• The big old wooden pirate ship down on the water is still there, that the kids can climb into and on (unfortunately this is closed for repair due to damage in December 2021)
• A whole range of swings of all sizes
• Shade structures, grassed areas, tree planting, mulched garden beds, garbage bins, water fountain, BBQs, toilets and some lighting!
• The tram stop is now open right at the Playground and I believe the trams will now run again on weekends and holidays from the nearby tram museum.
• There is a kiosk about 500m away if you need food, drinks and icecreams, plus PLENTY of space for picnics.

We’ll let the photos do the rest of the talking – in short though:  Take the kids, young and old, it’s great!

And now join the free, self-guided Sand Pirates of St Kilda scavenger hunt adventure running 22 January to 30 April 2026 . Follow clues around St Kilda, collect letters at each stop and uncover the secret pirate code along the way.

Where to pick up your activity pack
ā€¢ Collect your scavenger hunt activity card from any City of Salisbury library, hub or community centre.
ā€¢ Cards are also available at St Kilda Hotel and St Kilda Tackle ā€˜nā€™ Tucker before you start the hunt.

Scavenger hunt details
ā€¢ Free and self-paced ā€” start and finish whenever it suits your day.
ā€¢ Follow clues at local landmarks, parks and businesses to collect letters.
ā€¢ Vouchers attached to your card can be redeemed at participating stops for rewards.
ā€¢ Once youā€™ve collected all the letters, unscramble them to solve the final riddle.

This stunning playground is just about everything we love about a day out in our beautiful 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ Hills. Coffee, stunning scenery and a fab playground for all ages. Located just below the Bridgewater Mill, the playground is fenced along the road and edges but NOT on the creek bed, which in my opinion is great because it allows kids to take there shoes off and go for a good explore in the creek bed. When we were there it was only about ankle deep with some deeper sections under the bridge, so you’ll need to use your discretion based on your kids abilities and what’s happening in the creek the day you visit. During winter and after a big rain, the creek can get quite deep and fast, so it will change during the year.

We had a great time crossing the stone path, splashing in the water and saying hello to the resident ducks.

The playground itself is not shaded, but there are lots of little nooks and crannies to sit under the shade of either the trees that surround the park or the undercover area. There is also a BBQ area that overlooks the playground with more shady spots to throw down a picnic rug.

Without doubt the #1 highlight of this park for us was the flying fox. Easy enough for my 4 year old to manage herself, we also saw older kids having a ball and younger kids having a try with the help of their parents. Pretty sure Winnie had close to one billion turns on it before she decided she’d like to check out the rest of the park.

Other playground equipment includes a substantial rope climbing frame, swings, rockers and a slide, plus a whole load of serenity.

PLEASE supervise your kids at this park, as I mentioned there is a small creek at the bottom of the play area that is very accessible. It’s a great splashy place to play but you need to keep your eyes on your kids.

What we loved about this park:

• The flying fox
• The equipment – diverse range for young and older kids
• The creek and natural play spaces – splashing, climbing, running, chasing butterflies, cartwheels on the grass – all that good stuff.
• BBQ Area – great spot for a kids birthday party
• Public Toilets
• The location – 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ Hills = beautiful!
• The temperature in summer – on a hot day it’s always a few degrees cooler up here and lots of shady spots to sit on a picnic rug
• Parking easy to find
• Bridgewater shops over the road if you need a snack, drink, ice cream

For those wanting to enjoy some local food and drinks (including some lovely wines), consider a stop in at the Bridgewater Mill or Bridgewater Inn both within a few hundred meters walk.

For the Bazinga Arcade and store, you’ll find it located above Little Rockets Play Cafe at Munno Para. follow the signs to the staircase and as you head up, you will be greeted by some huge superhero statues and you just get the vibe you are in for a great time. Opening up to a really spacious area, the fabulous arcade just sucks you in like Dyson V12, with a great mix of modern and retro gaming to choose from as well as air hockey tables (loved the double table too!) to remind the kids who exactly is boss of the house. One thing we loved? Tokens. No swipe card for your gaming dollars or time, its an old fashioned bucket with tokens and we are here for it! Win your tickets and then pick out some sweet little prizes from the prize counter. Plenty to pick from and the kids always love walking away with a few lollies for the drive home.

As comic fans we really enjoyed the comic area, with plenty of comics to read from on comfy lounges and disappear into your comic fantasy. Love it! The retail area is broken up into 2 separate spaces, with a collectable and trading cards section merged into the arcade space, where you will find all your pop culture awesomeness to grab something really funky, or the sports memorabilia section housed in its own room. So many fantastic items to browse here and we may or may not have picked up a couple of nice NBA hats (we did…..so good!) at very competitive prices.

We love everything about this place. The owner Geoff is very passionate about the experience he puts on and it is obvious he wants his customers to enjoy the products as much as he does. It really is a case of him sharing his passions and as customers who share the same passion, it made for such a memorable and enjoyable visit.

BAZINGA CARDS, COLLECTIBLES & ARCADE AND BAROSSA NINJA – NURIOOTPA

Open on Aug 10th 2024 and located in the Barossa Co-Op Shopping Centre in Nuriootpa, this brand new indoor entertainment precinct has something for the whole family. Step inside and you’ll find:

• Little Rockets Play Cafe
• Barossa Ninja
• Bazinga Cards, Collectibles & Arcade

This is HUGE. Younger kids will be able to have tons of fun in the Little Rockets Play Cafe while Mum & Dad enjoy a coffee and snack. Older kids will LOVE Barossa Ninja with a 21×5.5m, 3 lane, (17+ interchangeable events) ninja course with a warped wall. It’s for brand new ninjas through to the most experienced. The course has something for everyone for ages 6+ and a new fitness adventure for teens & adults..

Of course you will also be able to pick up all of your sports and pop culture memorabilia and merchandise from Bazinga too. While you are there, make sure you have a go on all the Arcade Games including a Giant Connect Four and VR Machines!

The cafe menu is massive and includes heaps of options including burgers, hot dogs, salads, seafood and even a whole breakfast menu!

The whole complex is such a great addition to the Barossa and we are sure many local and city families will have hours of fun there!

Did we mention the Bazinga Parties? Because in a nicely renovated private party space, in a brightly lit and decorated room you can hold your own birthday party at either the Munno Para or Barossa venue! Arcades, parties, prize shops and more. What a spot!

Bazinga Trading Cards, Collectibles & Arcade
10 Unity Way, Munno Para

Bazinga Trading Cards, Collectibles & Arcade + Barossa Ninja
1 Murray St, Nuriootpa

Follow them on Facebook 
Or Instagram 
Or at their website 

Playground Official Opening: Join the family fun this Sunday 8th February 11am-1pm for families to drop in and explore the new space, enjoy ice-cream, coffee and entertainment.

The long-awaited redevelopment of St Morris Reserve is now complete, and at its heart lies a vibrant new playground thatā€™s already becoming a favourite spot for families across the eastern suburbs. Part of a major upgrade delivered by the City of Norwood Payneham & St Peters, this project has transformed the reserve into a modern community destination supporting play, leisure and connection.

The new playground replaces aging equipment with contemporary, multi-age play options designed to engage toddlers through older kids. Safe, sun-smart experiences are supported by generous shade sails and accessible surfaces, while seating, park furniture and improved pathways cater to families making a day of it.

Beyond the playground, new amenities enrich the reserve for everyone. A dedicated picnic shelter and BBQ facilities make it easy to gather with friends or enjoy a weekend lunch outdoors, while toilet facilities and accessible paved connections improve convenience for all visitors. We love how this is fully fenced, shaded and play elements that cater for all ages, which you don’t often find.

For active recreation, the upgrade introduced a multi-purpose court and a dedicated hit wall ā€” perfect for basketball, ball games or simply enjoying physical activity in the fresh air. Extensive landscaping and irrigation have refreshed the parkā€™s look with new trees, shrubs and open lawn areas, creating a greener, cooler space that enhances the local neighbourhood.

This redevelopment isnā€™t just about recreation ā€” itā€™s part of a larger stormwater resilience project. The reserve now includes a purpose-built detention basin that helps manage heavy rainfall and reduce flooding risk in St Morris and surrounding suburbs. When not in use for stormwater, this basin remains a grassy, open area contributing to the parkā€™s overall ambiance.

The vouchers are available to children living in South Australia in Reception to Year 9

The aim is to increase the number of children participating in physical activity by helping to reduce cost as a barrier and it’s a fantastic initiative to get kids into a range of activities. There is bound to be an activity to suit your little dancer, soccer star or musician!

Here’s the important info:

• Voucher Value: Each eligible child can receive two $100 vouchers per calendar year, totaling $200.
• Eligibility: Children residing in South Australia, from Reception to Year 9 (typically aged 5 to 15 years), are eligible for the program.
• Expanded Coverage: Starting 1 January 2026, the vouchers can be used for a broader range of activities, including:
  • Sports
  • Dance
  • Swimming lessons
  • Scouts and Guides
  • Music lessons
  • Active recreation activities
• Usage Flexibility: Families have the option to:
  • Apply both vouchers to a single provider for a $200 discount.
  • Split the vouchers between two different providers, each offering a $100 discount.
• Redemption Process: Typically, providers apply the voucher discount at the time of registration. However, some may require full payment upfront, with the discount reimbursed once the provider receives funds from the program.

Program Impact

The program has seen substantial growth

• In 2023, 88,749 vouchers were claimed, saving families nearly $9 million.
• In 2024, the inclusion of Scouts and Guides led to 96,212 vouchers claimed, totaling over $9.5 million in savings.
• In 2025, over 196,000 vouchers were claimed.

If you haven’t claimed your Sports Vouchers yet what are you waiting for?! Visit the to find a provider and apply for your vouchers.

All that friendly family banter aside, we love us some mini golf. From the whacky course designs to fact all ages can have a go, there is so much to love about this as an ideal family friendly activity. You just need to curb that one person in your family who becomes a little bit too aggressive and competitive with club and ball in their hands. If you can’t think of who that is in your family….sorry but it is you.

So where to go to get your mini golf fix in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½? Glad you asked!

Shanx

When is mini-golf not really MINI golf…….? When it’s SHANX!

SHANX is located at the Regency Park Community Golf Course, Little Para and recently opened at Goolwa,Ā  and it’s mini golf, like weā€™ve never seen! You won’t see any sharks, windmills and boulders in the middle of the greens here, it’s more like proper golf, just miniaturised. A concept that caters for the pro-golfer to the ā€˜never played beforeā€™ and everyone in between.

Bookings are essential to avoid wait times.

Find out more here.Ā 

X Golf & Hey Caddy West Lakes

Whilst not technically ‘mini golf’ it is ‘miniature golf’in the sense that it isn’t big golf so that counts. But they do have Hey Caddy onsite which is an incredible mini golf course for all ages! We love any place you can take the kids with great food, a bar and activities gets the thumbs up from us! Catering for all ages, take the kids along for a swing along at one of the little kids courses and they will love it.

We have been a few times and always love going back. Check out more on our visit here.

P1 Entertainment 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½

Another ‘not really but close enough’ mini golf spot is P1 Entertainment in Hindmarsh.

P1’s innovative indoor golf simulator and transport yourself to the worldā€™s most iconic golf courses. Fancy a round at Pebble Beach? Or how about taking on the historic challenges of St. Andrews? Tee off on any of 1400 courses using ultra-high-speed cameras to capture and analyse your shot data.

more info here

Copper Coast Putt Putt

Where is one of the best mini golf courses in SA? We won’t judge if you didn’t have Kadina at the top of your list but this course at the Copper Coast Tourism Centre is a beauty. We visit any time we are on Yorkes and it is a spacious, very well built course that is fabulous fun for the whole fam! Lots of great regional inspired features around the course so keep an eye out!

Check out more info from our visit here.

Holey Moley

Mini golf in the city? Inside? Yep and it’s pretty cool too, with all sorts of light up courses, fun themed holes and a bar! 

Keen for a look? Check them out .

Port Broughton Tourist Park

Brand spanking new in 2020, this brilliant addition to an already awesome family friendly holiday park at the top of the Yorke Peninsula is full of characters, great fun holes and is centrally located with the new water park too. We have tested this one out and it gets the adult and kid thumbs up! 

Check out more on the Pt Broughton park here.

Beachouse Mini Golf

Everyone loves The Beachouse. It’s a SA icon, they house (little Beachouse pun there) a fantastic beachside mini-golf course, that was upgraded in 2020. Full of fantastic designs, characters and some really funky holes, plus a train, like a real train you can ride on, you can make this part of your Beachouse visit or you can visit solely to play some tiny golf. The choice is yours.

Read all about the Glenelg institution here.

Naracoorte Holiday Park

Ah the Limestone Coast, what an amazing part of our state. We visited last year and found that not only does the Naracoorte Holiday Park have their own mini train track set up, but they have mini golf too! A great activity for those staying at the park, which is the perfect place to explore the Limestone (*cough wine country cough*) Coast.

Have a read on our visit to the park here.

Hahndorf Mini Golf

This is a hard one to find, being tucked away off Hahndorf Main Street but it is a really nice, quiet spot and a great way to work off your footlong German hotdog lunch by teaching the kids a mini golf lesson.

For hotdogs and mini golf fun check this out

Victor Harbor Holiday & Cabin Park

Located within a fantastic holiday park at everyone’s fave beachside road trip town, the park also includes a fab mini golf course! Create those ever lasting holiday memories by showing the kids exactly how good you are at miniature sport. We love popping down to this park and have a whole feature on it here.

Brighton Beachfront Holiday Park

Brand new to the park in late 2021 this 9 hole mini golf course is a great addition to this already fantastic holiday park. We love the nautical theme 

Find out more about this park on our review post here

Victor Harbor Foreshore Mini Golf

Located right on the foreshore at Victor, smack bang next to the horse drawn tram and the causeway to Granite Island, the mini golf course is not a bad way to spend an hour on your Victor day out. Part of the kiosk/info centre, it can get breezy at times (I mean it is a mini golf course built facing the Southern Ocean) but on those nice summer days an ice cream and mini golf session is just bliss. 

We love Victor with kids. Check out our Victor for Families feature here.

Barossa Bowland Mini Golf

The Barossa Valley. World famous for its wine and mini golf. Well at least for the wine but the mini golf course does seem great fun. We haven’t yet been but we will assume it is, and hope the rumours of a plate full of nuggets being brought to you with every hole in one are true. If not, then come on Barossa Mini Golf make it happen!

Check them out .

McLaren Vale Mini Golf

Part of the Mclaren Vale Natives, the big win we found here was the ability to leave the kids at mini golf whilst we went plant shopping….all in the one spot! Bliss. A really lovely course in one of SA’s best day trip locations.

For more plants and golf check them out .

West Beach Mini Golf

Definately one of 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½’s premiere mini golf spots for families, West Beach Mini Golf is an immaculate course with all sorts of funky designs and sculptures to keep everyone entertained. We go there all the time and everyone has a ball, except the kids (kidding) because we don’t let them win….ever. That is the first rule of family mini golf!

They do an epic (and super affordable) birthday party here AND for a round of mini golf you dont need a booking!

Check out more on this ripper here.

Wiz Bang Family Fun Centre

We haven’t been here a great deal either, but it does look pretty speccy! Located at St Agnes and with a cafe and small playground, we must get down and check this one out again.

For all their fun have a browse !

Glen Forest Tourist Park

Glen Forestā€™s 18-hole Putt Putt course is the perfect family-friendly outing, just 15 minutes from Port Lincoln. Packed with animal-themed fun and quirky features, itā€™s a hit with kids and adults alike.

Whether youā€™re planning a day out or road-tripping through the Eyre Peninsula, a stop at Glen Forest Tourist Park and Vineyard for a round of mini golf is a must!

find out more here

The 2025 upgrade to CC Hood Reserve Playground in Panorama has seen it become a standout community destination in 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ā€™s southern suburbs. Part of a wider redevelopment of the reserve, the new playground brings an exciting mix of adventure, accessibility, and fun for kids of all ages.

At the heart of the upgrade is a thoughtfully designed play space featuring a flying fox, a huge multi-level play tower with slides, monkey bars, a ā€œsand factoryā€ for imaginative play, and a range of swings including toddler, basket, and duo options. The accessible roundabout and spring rockers ensure that children of all abilities can join the fun, while stepping pods add an extra challenge for confident climbers.

Beyond the playground, the surrounding reserve offers something for everyone. Families can enjoy a fully equipped BBQ and picnic area with shaded seating and public toilets nearby. Active kids (and adults) will appreciate the 3Ɨ3 basketball court, and small soccer goals. Fitness stations with hand bikes, leg presses, and chin-up bars are dotted around the reserve, each with instructional signage and QR codes for guidance.

The playground also welcomed the addition of a new pump track in January 2026, right next door to the playground and really wrapping up what is an all encompassing facility for playground and sport lovers alike.

A highlight of the redevelopment is the fully fenced small-dog park, featuring agility equipment, double-gated entry, dog bowls, and water fountains. Itā€™s the perfect place for furry family members to burn some energy too.

Accessibility and safety have been prioritised, with paved paths, solar lighting, and a tree-lined walkway that connects key areas of the reserve. The recent landscaping ā€“ including new turf and bark chip surfaces ā€“ ensures year-round usability.

Zootopia 2

Runtime: 1 Hours, 50 Mins
How to watch: In cinemas now
Rating: PG
Short version: A fox and rabbit buddy cop movie perfection
Suitable For: 5+ with some slightly scarier fight scenes and chase sequences that might frighten some.

We return to the land of Zootopia, a world where animals all live in somewhat harmony in a massive city split into different weather zones. Honestly this is a incredibly fun world to return, which is driven by the friendship and chemistry between Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, solidifying them as a fantastic animated buddy cop duo.

Don’t remember what happened in the last one? No matter, they recap and bring you well and truly up to speed. Hopps and Nick have now both joined the Zootopia Police Department and are on the hunt for their next big case, while fighting for a bit of credibility given they are of course….a rabbit and fox combo.

Voiced perfectly by Ginnifer Goodwin and Jason Bateman, this really is a top shelf kids flick, with a solid plot layered with themes of friendship and acceptance. We hope they whip out a 3rd movie because there is so much to explore in the Zootopia Cinematic Universe and honestly, we love the Hopps/Nick banter.

Couple of scarier chase and fight scenes that the little crew may be wary of, but overall this is high quality family fare that is a must these summer holidays.

5 Snakes out of 5. Fantastic fun that even the parents will love.

The Spongebob Movie: The Search for Squarepants

Runtime: 1 Hours, 27 Mins
How to watch: In cinemas now
Rating: PG
Short version: If you love Spongebob you will love this…if you don’t, we wish you good luck.
Suitable For: 5+ but be wary of a few darker toned scenes which may be slightly scary to the young ones.

Spongebob Squarepants is back on the big screen and if those words don’t make sense to you, then the movie will be even more insane. The Nickelodeon fave has been around forever, and graces the big screen once more to follow the adventures of Spongebob and Patrick, as Spongebob’s goes on a journey in an attempt to become a swashbuckler (yeah…you read that right).

Look, the comedy style is not for everyone. It is 87 minutes of slapstick that is either grating of hilarious, with zero inbetween. For what its worth, our review team of a 5yo and 11yo boy loved it, while one of our parenting duo wanted to stab her eyes our with the jumbo coke straw. Does the plot matter? Not really. But for what its worth there are some nice messages about friendship and those sort of themes, so if you haven’t clawed your eyes out by the end you can soak those up.

The animation is way slicker than the TV version which is nice, but there are some scarier scenes that will scare the under 5s, but overall its full of fun and laughs*.

3 Gary the Snails out of 5. *laughs not guaranteed

Kangaroo Island

Runtime: 1 Hours, 53 Mins
How to watch: In Cinemas 20 August, 2025
Rating: M
Short version: Best Aussie movie in a long long time. Just wow.
Suitable For: 15yo + teenage girls, date night and girls night at the flicks with your Mum, BFF or neighbour.

We knew it would be good, but wow, this was exceptional. Who knew weā€™d be sitting in the cinema swiping tears one minute and laughing the next. Honestly, this is so much more than the simple yet pretty drama that we were expecting. This film is brilliantly written, clever in all the right ways, and delivers well beyond the hype. Itā€™s funny (and we did not expect that), but also surprisingly sad. There are secrets, diverse family beliefs, confrontations and high emotions when ‘Lou’ rolls home to the island. Congratulations must go to everyone involved theyā€™ve pulled off something really very special.

Erik Thompson and Rebecca Breeds are fantastic. The entire cast are, but they particularly have the kind of on screen energy you donā€™t want to stop watching. Their timing, warmth, and ability to make you feel like youā€™re right there with them is spot on. It’s raw at times. Throw in some genuinely interesting supporting characters and youā€™ve got a story that keeps you beyond hooked to the end.

We can’t fail to mention, Kangaroo Island itself almost steals the show. The scenery, the wildlife and the way the filmmakers capture the island makes it feel like a character in its own right. Itā€™s beautiful, itā€™s authentic and itā€™s powerful. Honestly, take your girlfriends for a night out and cry-laugh togetherā€¦ or line up a date night, because this one is too good to wait until it comes out on streaming.

The ferry should be busy for a while after this one.

5 Kangaroo Island Gins out of 5. Incredibly well written and so proud to be a South Australian.

A Minecraft Movie

Runtime: 1 Hours, 40 Mins
How to watch: In Cinemas April 3, 2025
Rating: PG
Short version: Not entirely sure what my eyeballs just witnessed but what a blast
Suitable For: All minecraft fans. Under 5s will have some jump scares.

“Kids yearn for the mines”. A statement that was true in the 1800s and rings true today….except kids have swapped using their tiny hands to dig for coal underground with building incredible worlds out of digital blocks, fighting creepers (and doing a lot of other things I don’t really understand) in the world of Minecraft.

This movie brings in Jack Black, Jason Momoa and the always hilarious Jennifer Coolidge to bridge that generational divide and turn this one into an event that parents and kids will love. In fact, our 11yo lad loved this so much, he laughed so hard we actually thought he was going to pass out. True story. Word of warning…..there is also some strange online trend where all the kids will yell and scream when certain characters do certain things. Will you understand it? No. Is it funny the first time? Yes. Is it funny the 17th time? No.

A mix of live action in the real world and CGI in Minecraft land as you follow the adventurers while they try to save Minecraft world, this is fun, weird, different and a unique insight into what your kids have been doing all that time locked in their room. Spoiler alert, the interaction between the Villager and Jennifer Coolidge is some of the funniest cinema you will see this year.

5 creepers out of 5. Nailed the target audience and not bad for parents too.

Paddington in Peru

Runtime: 1 Hours, 46 Mins
How to watch: In Cinemas January 1, 2025
Rating: PG
Short version: The Return of the Jedi of the Paddington Trilogyā€¦.perfect
Suitable For: All ages but little ones might have a few little jumps

Who would have thought Paddington Bears 3rd movie would be so damn good. It has no right to be this good, but with an all star cast (Antonio Banderas is perfection) supporting the cutest little bear that ever did bear, this one ups the ante for the latest adventure.

Paddington, after causing havoc in London, drags the family to Peru to find Aunt Lucy who was living comfortably in the home for retired bears, which of course is run by nuns. Cue Olivia Coleman having a blast as a ā€˜suspiciousā€™ nun, who is hilarious as the team inevitably head into the jungle in search of adventure.

A great fun plot, enough for the parents to stay interested (think we were more into it than the kids to be fair) and some little lessons along the way every parent can relate too, make this all in all one of the best fam flicks we have seen in a while.

5 cute bears out of 5. Simply perfect family fun

Moana 2

Runtime: 1 Hours, 40 Mins
How to watch: In Cinemas now (we chose the new recliners at Event Marion V-Max)
Rating: PG
Short version: Like having a second slice of cake, nice, but just doesn’t hit like the first one.
Suitable For: 4yo + and any one who enjoyed the first movie

Ah Moana 2, you are like a love letter to Polynesian culture, but we wanted your music to steal our hearts and fill us with magic (again) and sadly the bangers are no where to be seen (heard?) It’s like having a second slice of cake, it’s nice, but it hits different. The sequel does bring some charm with a cute addition in the form of Moana’s little sister – who might just steal the show if we are being honest. The animation? Stunning. Message about leadership and the challenges that come with that is bang on, but will go over the heads of the junior primary kids. The pride for Polynesian culture was an absolute highlight… but lets talk about the elephant in the room: the music. Look, we love a good Disney sing along, but the tunes in Moana 2 just don’t deliver the same punch as “How Far I’ll Go” or “You’re Welcome”. We all found our selves expecting better.

Still, if you have kids, they will love it and lets be real, they will be playing this movie on repeat.

The real winner here? The Moana live-action movie with The Rock (IRL) next year, now that’s going to be the jam.

Until then 3.5 stars – don’t let us down in 2025.

Wicked

Runtime: 2 Hours, 40 Mins
How to watch: In Cinemas now!
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Stunning. Perfect. Theatre Kids rejoice!
Suitable For: 8+/ adults (kids who can sit still for that long and enjoy a bit of singing)

Parents, we are here to tell you, it lives up to the hype! ‘Wicked’ is out in cinemas now and we could not have loved it more.

In case you have been living under a rock, ‘Wicked’ is the story of before Dorothy drops into Oz, way back when the Wicked Witch of the West (Elphaba, played by the incomparable Cynthia Erivo) and Good Witch of the North (Glinda, played by Ariana Grande) were at school together. It plays with the themes of wickedness, good vs evil – eg is someone born wicked? Or do they become wicked? if your child is familiar with ‘The Wizard of Oz’ and HASN’T seen the musical production of ‘Wicked’, it’s probably best to warn them that Dorothy and Toto are not in it. (But look out for some ruby slippers during ‘Popular’.) It’s also important to note that this is only Part 1. Part 2 will be out in a years time.

The cinematography is STUNNING and the songs are out of this world. Theatre lovers who are already familiar with the ‘Wicked’ story and soundtrack are going to leave feeling like their inner child has been healed. It’s always risky taking on a movie adaptation of a much loved musical, but director Jon M. Chu has really looked after this beloved story and soundtrack. If you don’t already know the songs or storyline, don’t worry – we are hearing that non theatre peeps are loving ‘Wicked’ just as much.

Is it suitable for kids? In a nutshell YES, as long as they can sit through the just over 2.5 hour runtime. There are a couple of slightly scary parts towards the end with the giant Wizard head and the winged monkeys but just tell them to turn their head and cuddle into you and it’s over pretty quickly. As ‘Defying Gravity’ finished and the lights came back up, we had tears streaming down our faces, along with most of the other people in the cinema! In one word, it is just MAGICAL.

10,000 out of 5 stars – we are already planning our second viewing.

The Sloth Lane

Runtime: 89 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas now!
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ So wholesome you simply can’t not like it.
Suitable For: Big kids. Little kids. Everyone

We do love when a sleeper Aussie flick surprises us with its awesomeness and that is exactly what happened with The Sloth Lane. Not renowned for being a core Australiana animal the sloth, but on this occasion we follow the cricket loving sloth Laura and her family (who have Spanish accents – just go with it) find their home destroyed by a storm, they take their tasty traditional food to the big city and open a food truck. The plot is certainly left field but thats part of the charm here, as the main story is teen Laura and her struggles with following her dreams and helping her parents keep family traditions alive.

There aren’t slapstick style jokes like a Minion movie, but our 3yo and 10yo were enthralled (well the 3yo just wanted a constant stream of snacks to be fair). The storm sequence at the start was a little loud and scary for Mr 3 we must add, but that could also have been because he made us sit in the very front row, but be prepared either way if your crew have sensitive ears.

The plot follows Laura and her duel with a rival foodie, a fast food Cheetah named Dotti Pace (again another traditional Aussie animal makes an appearance in what completes a fairly unique animal experience here)

At 89 minutes this is the perfect run time we reckon for a kids flick, so lock this one in for a rainy Sunday morning cinema visit.

4.5 out of 5 cricket playing sloths……surely they aren’t fast bowlers?

Despicable Me 4

Runtime: 95 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas now!
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Minions make everything better…unless you hate them.
Suitable For: Everyone!

Who would have thought back in 2010 we would be reviewing the 6th movie in the Minion Cinematic Universe. Whoever sat there in a creative meeting and thought up these little yellow guys is sitting back on a pile of cash on an island somewhere saying ‘I told you!’ So in the 4th instalment of the Gru-centric flicks, we head off on another adventure filled with minion filled slapstick laughs.

Now we appreciate the minions can not be everyone’s cup of tea. For us, having watched the Minions Movie 712 times (thanks Mr 3), we can swing either side of the fence but here there is just enough minions to get a laugh without taking over. What we love about these movies is there is plenty in it for the adults, without needing jokes that go too far over the kids heads. Nothing too scary and nothing too old make this the perfect all-round family movie pick.

This time round Gru has a baby (taking it to 4 kids…plus 500 minions) and an old enemy reignites a feud with hilarious results. Our crew from Mr 3 up to the teens all gave it the thumbs up (well to be fair the 3yo cracked the sads half way through because someone else ate ‘his’ popcorn, but he seemed happy apart from that).

Whack it on the school holiday list.

4 out of 5 Super Hero Minions….because yep they are a thing now.

The Garfield Movie

Runtime: 101 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas May 30
Rating: G
Short version ā€“ Great for the kids…..adults this may not be the Garfield you remember
Suitable For: Aimed at the under 10s.

Everyone can relate to Garfield. The sarcastic, always hungry, usually lazy cat who hates Mondays and if eating lasagne was an olympic sport, would be world champion. Many a movie and TV show has come and gone over the years, spawned from the legendary comic strip. So with Chris Pratt leading the way in this newest instalment, voicing the famous cat, have they done justice to the famous feline? Well sort of.

Garfield, famous for being lazy is sort of very un-lazy here as a long winded plot leads Garfield and his loveable pup Odie through a heist style set up. The little kids will eat this up, with a fast pace, bright colours and zany characters but the older ones and adults might find it a tad boring outside of a few funny bits. Bit like unflavoured oats for breakfast this one. Not bad, not great, but it will fill the spot nicely.

As a family movie for the school holidays, this is perfect. Great for all ages, not overly long and with enough to get everyone through the run time. Will you sit down and rewatch it at home later? No. The answer is no.

3.5 out of 5 lasagne eating cats……we do miss the Bill Murray version of Garfield we must admit.

Kung Fu Panda 4

Runtime: 94 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas Now
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ If you love Jack Black and Kung Fu Panda….this is your jam.
Suitable For: Aimed at the 5+ crowd but our 4yo loved it.

Going to be honest here, as much as we love Jack Black and the Kung Fu Cinematic Universe, there was a bit of ‘wow a 4th one?’ when this came out. Was this series crying out for a sequel after number 3 finished on a cliffhanger? No. Will we watch everything Jack Black ever does? Yes.

If you haven’t seen any of these animated gems to date, never fear because lets be honest, the title sort of gives away the plot here. Jack Black brilliantly plays Po, the kung fu dragon warrior who once again battles an evil kung fu warrior intent on taking over the city/valley/town. It is a tried and tested formula which has been trotted out again here, with some degree of success.

Our 4 and 10yo’s both loved it, but there are a couple of slightly scarier moments which the 4yo didn’t love but they are very short. There is, surprisingly given the title, a bucketload of kung fu fighting so if fighting movies are not your game, then this is a pretty obvious miss. Plenty of jokes to keep the adults entertained of course and at 90 odd minutes, our little guy was entertained enough to actually sit and not roam the aisles like an angry cinema worker trying to spot feet on seats.

This is a free kick win for a school holiday flick. Solid enough but you will forget what happened with plenty of time for number 5 to come out…which it surely will.

4.5 out of 5 fighting pandas….stay for the end and Jack Black’s cover of Hit me Baby One More Time. Gold!

DC League of Super-pets

Runtime: 105 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas September 15
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ If you love The Rock and Kevin Hart…..this is like an early xmas!
Suitable For: Aimed at the 5+ crowd but everyone loves a flying doggo.

One genre which needed more cinematic releases was the Superhero category. I cannot remember the last time we saw a superhero movie in the cinema? Last Thursday maybe? So in an already chockas comic-heavy movie calendar, this one could easily have been lost in the sea of spandex (good name for an 80s cover band actually….Sea of Spandex).

This totally animated entry features the modern-day comedy heavyweight duo of The Rock and Kevin Hart, who must be contractually obliged to appear in 2 out of 3 of each others movies, as Krypto and Ace, super-power endowed pets of actual Superheroes! You can kind of guess the plot can’t you, when Superman is kidnapped and Krypto must form a team or rag-tag super pets to save the day. But you aren’t here for a Game of Thrones style political chess match plot, you just want to see some cool animation, great jokes and a bit of banter the parents can enjoy. You will be pleased to know this will be right up your alley! (Disclaimer….this author is a Dwayne Johnson fan-boy from back in the days of the WWF so this gets 3 stars by default)

We just love a kids flick that obviously ticks the boxes for the little crew, but is actually somewhat enjoyable for the adults (looking squarely at you Emoji Movie…no. just no). The banter between The Rock and Hart is legendary (Check out their press tour clips for this one….absolute gold when these two are giving it to each other) and it comes across on screen. This is fun, albeit a little formulaic, but it will be one of the best kids flicks this year easily. A few jokes and puns that will go over little ones heads and a few action sequences that may be a little much for the under 5s, but overall this is awesome!

4.5 out of 5 super labradors – If my french bulldog had a super power it would be slobbering all over the house.

Pil’s Adventures

Runtime: 89 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas June 2
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ It will give you 90 minutes of peace and quiet.
Suitable For: Aimed at the 5+ crowd but park a toddler in front of it and they will be distracted long enough so you can power nap.

Going to be frank here. Real frank. This was a grind. I mean it was well made, ticked all the ‘orphan finds friends, goes on an adventure to save the kingdom….not the destination but the friends you make along the way’ kind of boxes, but if you were expecting a ‘Bluey’ style of kids flick where you can also get around it, sorry but this ain’t it. In saying that, it is a really solid kids outing that is perfectly aimed at the school age crowd and they won’t be exposed to any nasty shocks. But sometimes, you know its nice to find that magic mix of kids entertainment that keeps the adults attention too.

Join Pil, a young orphan who lives in a medieval kingdom sort of place where she has all the forest creatures as friends and maybe is a little bit magic. Don’t know. Hard to tell how closely the animators stuck with the laws of physics but Pil sure has a spring! Old mate Pil witnesses some sort of monarchy shenanigans and must go on a quest to save the kingdom, finding friendship along the way.

The perfect indoor activity for when the winter weather hits and you don’t have it in your soul to spend a few hours at a loud indoor play centre (let me hear it for sensory overloaded parents at play cafes!). No scary bits or anything particularly shocking here, unless you have a real hatred of medieval fairs. Then you aren’t in luck.

2.5 out of 5 forest creature friends – Sit at the back and play on your phone for an hour. šŸ™‚

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Runtime: 126 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas now
Rating: M
Short version ā€“ My brain and eyeballs can’t compute the whackery they just consumed.
Suitable For: Its rated M and it does have some scary sort of whacked out horror trope….so be wary!

THIS IS SPOILER FREE! So spoiler free are we here at KiA, that we won’t even talk about the movie. In fact lets steer so far away from this to maintain our spoiler free status that I will talk about the new Downton Abbey movie. Damn that was good. Grab some scones and jam and go watch Carson huff about on the big screen. You won’t regret it.

But Doctor Strange is here and kids will want to see it, because Marvel is AWESOME! If you haven’t followed the seemingly endless amount of Marvel movies and TV shows, it may be hard to follow, but it pretty much follows the immediate events of the last Spiderman movie, Wanda Vision show (Disney + for that one) and Disney + cartoon ‘What if’. Watch those only and you won’t be totally lost.

In terms of plot. Nope. Getting nothing from me. It does veer more towards the mock-horror genre thanks to new Director Sam Raimi, which was bloody awesome but also may be nightmare fuel for the little ones following up Spiderman with this one. Plenty of kids were in our session though but just be aware this does head into slightly darker territory at times…..in a fun way. But with loud action, fighting sequences, death and big ‘ol monsters, there may be some jumps so don’t let the 7yo hold the popcorn.

Is it any good? Well it definitely needs a re-watch to soak in all the madness but it gets all the ticks from us, with plenty of fan service moments but also a few things that could have been a bit better. Main thing is Benedict Cumberbatch is just about the best thing since sliced bread.

4 out of 5 fancy goatees – BRB just trying to grow my beard with that little Doc Strange kick.

Fantastic Beasts: Secrets of Dumbledore

Runtime: 144 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas April 7
Rating: M
Short version ā€“ Is it the best Harry Potter movie? Don’t be silly. Shame for even thinking it! But it is the best ‘Beast’s flick.
Suitable For: Its rated M, but think of the darker Harry Potter movies and if your kids like that, then dive right in.

Firstly, massive Potterhead here. Just wanted to lay the bias on the table because everything Harry Potter is amazing. In saying that, the first 2 instalments of the ‘Beasts’ trilogy have hardly set the world on fire. I mean they have been good, but not “I will watch them 197 times as my comfort movie” like the other Potter movies. How many times have I seen all the first 8 movies? Nobody knows. Somewhere between ‘a couple’ and ‘its embarrassing to disclose’ but more towards the embarrassing side. So heading into this there was some excitement but it was a quiet, nervous excitement….sort of like when you get when you order KFC. Will it be amazing or will it make you regret everything about your life the moment you finish your last chip. Nobody knows. Usually the latter.

So without further ado……it was sensational! God it was good. Jude Law as a young Dumbledore and the re-cast Grindewald (Mads Mikkelson amazing as always…but we do miss Johnny Depp) are the main focus here, which is probably why it was so good! All the old cast from the first 2 are back, but in smaller roles for sure, with a lot of callbacks to the main Potter franchise (Hogwarts!!!), this will probably be the only Beasts flick to join the re-watch rotation.

The chemistry between young Dumby and Grindewald is perfection and the plot pretty much makes sense. Maybe. Its a bit iffy at times but the visuals and performances are so good that you just sort of go with it. For the kids, there is wizarding violence, if that is even a thing, but if your crew had seen anything beyond Harry Potter 3, then they will love this.

Oh and if you have not seen any Harry Potter or any of the other Beasts movies, absolutely none of this will make any sense so just go and watch Top Gun 2….which everyone in the history of humanity has seen and knows the plot of.

4 out of 5 cute little magic animals – An awesome return to form for the bestest franchise ever!

The Adam Project

Runtime: 106 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: M
Short version ā€“ Remember those awesome 80s Sci-Fi kids movies? This is like them…but with more Ryan Reynolds
Suitable For: I mean its rated M but….stuff it. Its too awesome for the kids to miss!

Ah the 80s. A time before social media ruined everything and Sci Fi movies for kids were either insanely cool (Flight of the Navigator) or just sort of weird (Garbage Pail Kids looking straight at you)..then there was Labyrinth which was just all sorts of crazy good. What a time to be alive. But never fear fans of moustached cricketers, non-existent seat belt laws and SPF 15 suncream (isn’t it like SPF75 now?), because Ryan Reynolds is here with the BEST kids Sci Fi movie we have seen in years!

Meet Adam. Well there are a few of them so stay with me. Ryan Reynolds is a time travelling fighter pilot who crash lands in his 12yo self’s back yard, where he will do all sorts of fabulous adventure stuff while they try and save the world. I don’t want to give the plot away because this really is bloody sensational stuff, with the wise cracks between Reynolds (who lets be honest now just plays the same character in every movie) and his younger self so much fun.

But this is where it will get you right in the heart, especially as a parent. The way that old man Adam teaches his younger, bratty self to be kinder to his grieving mum will just get you right in the feels. Then later when they….nope. No spoilers. But bloody hell you just don’t expect to shed a tear in a time travelling space ship movie do you.

All star cast for this one too, with Mark Ruffalo, Jennifer Garner and Zoe Saldana really giving this the A factor status it deserves. Totally worth a second viewing too. The rating for this one is M, which would sort of imply early teens and up, but we had a few of the KiA team’s younger crew watch it and they just ate it up. Watch the trailer and you will get the gist of what to expect.

5 out of 5 – How awesome is it? Well we think this is the best work Reynolds has done in years.

Sing 2

Runtime: 110 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas Now
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ If you like singing then this is the cartoon for you. If you don’t like singing, bad luck, you will love this as well.
Suitable For: I mean all ages will get around it…..Even grumpy parents will be singing by the end.

Have you ever watched a movie and thought “Gee I wish there was more singing”, then strap yourself in sunshine because we have the movie for you! Here’s the thing though, because the musical style flicks may not be everyone’s cup of tea generally, but these Sing flicks are done so well that they will have everyone hooked.

The all star cast returns for this, but they have really brought out the big guns with this being Bono’s (of U2 fame) debut and it is not hard to see why everyone just loves this movie. Try and not like it. I dare you. Take the grumpiest person you know and by the end they will be singing along to U2’s classics.

You don’t need to have seen the first one to know the gist here, this isn’t Inception….animals sing. Just accept it and enjoy the show. Something about overcoming the odds, blah blah, friendship blah blah. The reality is this is a musical extravaganza that is a feast for the ears….unless you hate U2. In which case, suck it up because this is awesome.

4 out of 5 Singing animals – Enjoy singing in the car on the way home.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Runtime: 144 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas Now
Rating: M
Short version ā€“ The best superhero movie (apart from Endgame of course) of all time.
Suitable For: Over 12s and adults who act like they are 12 (me)

This is hard. Revealing spoilers in a Marvel movie as epic and iconic as this one, is punishable by a permanent banning from online Marvel forums. A fate worse than death trust me. Lets assume you know who Spider-Man is. You still with me? Good. Now lets assume you know there have been a heap of Spider-Man movies, but Tom Holland’s version in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is the current main guy? Did I lose you? Look…there is a lot going on in Marvel movies, with about 25 odd movies and a heap of TV shows (plus cartoons!) all linked together into a tight little storyline. Its amazing stuff, but whether you are a casual observer or a hard-core nerd (guilty), this movie will be loved by all.

For the kids, there is a fair bit going on here. Lots of action and although its hardly the gore level of Kingsman (if you haven’t seen that, epic. Absolutely epic.), it is rated M for a reason. Personally, we are leaving this one for our teens and Mr 7 can watch it later….but its all pretty tame after Squid Game isn’t it!

I have probably already said too much. This movie will make you laugh, cry, cheer and you will be back to see it again before the holidays are out. It has probably saved cinema from a covid fuelled nightmare and will be talked about for years to come…by me.

5 out of 5 Spideys – Please DM us after you have seen it so we can talk about what happened!

Ghostbusters: Afterlife

Runtime: 124 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas Now
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Adults will love the nostalgia. Kids will think ghosts are real. Its a win/loss scenario.
Suitable For: Over 10s and ’80s kids.

if you were born in the 80s, Ghostbusters was the equivalent to whatever Tik Tok trend is popular now. I can’t keep up, those trends fall faster than the English top order (for the non-cricket fans….Australia are really good at cricket. England are as quality as K Mart homewares). Gee the Ghostbusters were huge, with the iconic theme song, the car, the marshmallow man, the hair…damn the 80s were good. Then after 25 or so years, the reboot came out which wasn’t actually terrible, but sort of was so badly received that its sort of been deleted from the history books.

But never fear, the Ghostbusters of old are back and with a fantastic cast including Paul (probably-a-vampire-because-he-doesnt-age) Rudd and some kids from Stranger Things, this movie is awesome. It got all my 80s nostalgia senses tingling and it will probably scare your kids just enough that they will spill their drinks on themselves, but will still leave with a smile on their face. Is it scary? Well there are scary bits with plenty of ghosts and the big-arse dog monsters from the original are there, but its all done with a bit of humour. The kids are the leads here chasing the ghosts trying to go all Scooby Doo and solve the mystery, so its pretty PG stuff….unlike the kids in Stephen Kings IT. That shit scarred my soul.

I have managed to make it to the end without inserting some sort of ‘who you gonna call’ pun, which is an admirable achievement given its been playing on repeat since I started typing this review. One thing that was odd, given it is basically the 3rd part of the trilogy after the first 2 films, is that everyone has sort of forgotten that in the 80s a huge marshmallow man took a stroll down New York and hulk smashed a few skyscrapers…..Would you forget that? I mean my 7yo forgets to put shoes on sometimes but a giant marshmallow dude? Surely not.

4 out of 5 Tiny Marshmallow men – Who you gonna call? Sorry. I tried to not say it.

Back to the Outback

Runtime: 92 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: G
Short version ā€“ On paper this looks woeful….but in the biggest shock since Ricky Lake de-throned Oprah, it is actually good!
Suitable For: Everyone. Even parents won’t hate it.

I am 99% certain you have already seen this pop up on Netflix and am also 99% certain you scrolled past it faster than you swiped left on your ex that time on Tinder. It looks terrible and worse yet, it is an Australian film which, Aussie patriotism aside, tend to kind of suck. But we gave this a go and thankfully we did, because it is probably the best Aussie cartoon ever made (notwithstanding that time we tried to claim Finding Nemo as ours).

Back to the Outback tells the tale of a bunch of exotic Aussie animals (you know, the ones that can kill elephants with a single drop of venom…that sort of thing) in an ‘Australia Zoo’ style park run by a ‘Steve Irwin’ style owner with a ‘Bob Irwin’ style side-kick son. Legit, they just found an old pic of the legendary croc hunter and his lad Bob, drew them and here we are. These animals plan their escape and return to the outback. To be fair the title gave away the whole plot.

This movie is actually funny and not just kid funny, but parents won’t hate it either, with an all star Aussie celeb cast lending their talents including Eric Bana, Isla Fisher and a heap more. It really is a shame that this has just landed on Netflix because it would have been a solid Summer flick at the cinema and it would have been great to see a top quality Aussie family movie dominate the box office.

The true test of a quality kids flick is how often the kids have watched it. If it is any indication, this review was pieced together by watching various snippets of the movie across about 98 of Mr 7’s viewings, until I had finally caught it all. So saddle up, prepare to play ‘name the voice’ and enjoy what will (or bloody should be) an Aussie classic.

4 out of 5 Pretty Boys – Lets call this the ‘Surprise Hit of the Summer’ because it really did look likely to be shite.

Clifford The Big Red Dog

Runtime: 97 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas December 30
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ The plot is sort of given away in the title.
Suitable For: Everyone under 10. Teens will be scrolling tik tok after 9 minutes.

Let me paint a picture. The year is 1986 and a strapping 5 year old lad picks up a book about a giant red dog, probably struggles to read but falls in love with the goofy, clumsy, giant red protagonist……thus a core memory is made! As a result Clifford is the first book this goofy, clumsy, giant reviewer can remember reading (and obviously a character I modelled myself on)

So what exactly is Clifford The Big Red Dog about? Well this isn’t some sort of cerebral ‘who dunnit’, where the plot falls together in the final act for an almighty ‘ohhhhh’ moment, this is in fact about a big red dog…..named Clifford. Follow 12yo Emily who somehow wishes a red runt-of-the-litter lab into a giant red dog. This really is actually the next superhero origin story, about how Emily discovers her powers to make things huge. Watch for the sequel in the Clifford Cinematic Universe as she tackles Ant Man. Genius.

The under 10s will eat this up. A giant goofball CGI red dog running amok through New York is the kind of movie my 7 year old would make if someone gave him a budget of $50m and the use of a John Cleese cameo. Once it hits the streamers, you will have it on repeat. Sorry. For the parents it falls towards the good end on the ‘how annoyingly terrible will the next 2 hours of my life be’ scale thankfully. (For reference the scale starts with the Emoji Movie and works on from there). Jack Whitehall is great as the responsible adult who leads Emily and Clifford’s adventures, but in reality the star is of course Clifford who somehow remains cute even when he could cause fatal injuries will an ill-timed tail wag.

There is a plot but it doesn’t matter. It is fun, bright, colourful and the perfect school holiday flick.

4 out of 5 Giant Red Pups – I mean come on its a movie about a giant doggo….thats 3 stars just for that!

Squid Game

How to watch: Netflix
Rating: MA15+
Short version ā€“ Well that escalated. Quickly.
Suitable For: Kids who want to sneakily watch stuff they shouldn’t.

Well unless you have been living under a rock (not The Rock, but an actual lump of solid ground), you would have heard about Squid Game. What is Squid Game? Glad you asked. Because we have binge watched the most popular thing to come out of Korea since Gangnam Style or BTS (which we initially thought was a type of double cut roll but have since learnt is a rather popular boy band), to find out what this is all about. So the question we have to ask, given this is generally a place that reviews family flicks like Aladdin or Space Jam, why are we reviewing a gory show rated MA15 here? The answer is simple….kids are evil little things and by the time you have read this, they will already be up to Episode 5 because guess what. Kids are smarter than us. So it pays to at least know what on Earth is going on with this new craze.

Firstly, lets answer the obvious. This show is not for kids. I mean kids will watch it, because they will be sitting there on their ipad on Netflix and this brightly coloured monstrosity will be front and centre marked as ‘Trending’, so they will click it. Then they will watch the first episode, which (spoiler alert) has some scary AF looking giant doll mowing down people with machine guns whilst they play kids school yard games, they will then tell their mates and boom…..every kid will be onto it. But I digress, they shouldn’t watch it, not unless they can drive. Thats a fairly good age range. If your kids can drive, they are old enough to watch gambling addicted Koreans be slaughtered for fun by faceless billionaires. I think thats a good rule of thumb personally. Want to watch murder on the screen? Be old enough to drive yourself to therapy.

What will draw kids (and we mean ALL kids with an internet connection) to this is the internet buzz, the bright (pretty awesome to be honest) and intricate costumes and sets, as well as the intrigue in seeing school yard games being taken to the next level. They also will just want to watch, or at least know a bit about, what everyone is talking about. It isn’t a horror show as such, but the gore has been dialled up to the max and unless your kids grew up in Gilead, they will find this all a little disturbing.

For parents? Yeah this is pretty cool. Think Hunger Games but Katniss gets shot because she got tagged in a game of red rover with the other Hemsworth. The production is outstanding and you can choose to either watch with English subtitles or dubbing. The dubbing is a bit rough and apparently the subs may be a more accurate translation. But who are we kidding, you are watching this to watch the slaughter.

And for reference, to save you the googling, a billion Korean Won is about a million bucks.

4 out of 5 scary dudes in pink costumes and circle masks. Great show unless you are a child, in which case this is nightmare fuel.

Jungle Cruise

Runtime: 127 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas and Disney+ Premiere Access ($34.99)
Rating: M
Short version ā€“ It is impossible to not love Emily Blunt and The Rock.
Suitable For: Brave under 10s and tweens….and Dads who have a man crush on The Rock.

A movie starring my two favourite actors? Shut up and take my money! Long time readers (Hi mum) will know I would watch anything The Rock makes. Even if he did a cooking show, I would watch it (to smell what he is cooking obviously….sigh. The Dad jokes have hit rock bottom. Ah did it again….wrestling fans will appreciate those however), but Emily Blunt is the real star here. She is brilliant as usual and stars in this movie about a ride at Disneyland. Never been to Disneyland? Neither have I. So assume this is the same as if they made a movie about the Mad Mouse from the royal show ….what a movie that would be! Dangerous….absolutely. Over priced? Definitely.

How did they turn a river cruise ride into a movie? What is it even about? Well set about 100 odd years ago, Blunt is a fancy professor type hunting an elusive legend, deep in the Amazon. The Rock has a boat. You can see where this is going can’t you. The banter between the stars is good fun, the action scenes are fantastic and it is the kind of escapism that we have been crying out for the past 18 months.

There are a few twists along the way which I won’t spoil, but fair warning there are a few scenes and characters that will potentially scare the bejeezus out of the little kids. It isn’t too horrific, with Mr 7 loving it, but if your kids didn’t mind Pirates of the Caribbean style themes then they won’t mind this.

What is safe to spoil is that this is bloody fantastic. A brilliant family flick, which might be a nudge too long but is funny and with plenty of action and laughs to go with the all star cast. Our whole crew loved this, from the little kids to the older teens (oh and the adults), which is pretty rare to be honest.

4 out of 5 white suits in the jungle…..why would they wear suits in the jungle? Damn that would have been hot.

Space Jam: A New Legacy

Runtime: 116 minutes
How to watch: In Cinemas now
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ MJ is the goat….change my mind.
Suitable For: Pretty much everyone.

Going to be honest here, massive Michael Jordan fan. As a 90s kid, he was and always will be the GOAT. So the OG Space Jam holds a special place in that little nostalgia part of my brain (to be fair, the kid nostalgia part of my brain is the 2nd largest part behind the ‘loves all snacks’ gland) and it was always going to be interesting to see how the Lebron James version stacked up.

Don’t know what Space Jam is? Glad you asked. Imagine you are a marketing type working for a big movie studio, and you had a mate who was a sports agent to a really famous basketball player. So you want to combine the two in some sort of mega commercial where you combine all your intellectual property into a 2 hour CGI marketing dream and make all the cash? Enter Space Jam. Basketball superstar gets sucked into a computer and has to play basketball against cartoon characters (all the Loony Toons faves from 1973) to win their freedom…..or something. Look to be fair, don’t dig too deeply into the plot (or the acting ability of James just quietly) and just enjoy the pretty colours.

Weirdly, do kids now even know who Bugs Bunny and co. are anymore? Damn we are getting old. Did you know 1996, when the first one came out, was 25 years ago? WTF? How is that even possible. Thats probably why they made sure to include a billion of other Warner Bros characters like Harry Potter, just to make sure kids actually recognised someone.

The general theme here is all about family. Not the Fast and Furious Vin Diesel type, but the ‘don’t force your kids to do stuff just because thats what you like to do’ kind. Not that you are watching this for a life message, but there it is anyway. Lebron has to save his lad after they are both sucked into a computer and can’t get out until they learn the real meaning of parenting (Honestly, Warner Bros have created the most advanced and evil computer villain since Ultron). The reviews for this have been bloody atrocious but I think thats a bit unfair. It was funny, bright, cool CGI (even if a lifelike CGI version of Bugs Bunny isn’t slightly terrifying) and overall they did it pretty well. Don Cheadle is awesome as the evil computer guy, Lebron acts about as well as Ben Simmons’ shoots but who cares because the man can DUNK!

3.5 out of 5 Marvin the Martians (he is awesome) – Would have been 4 had MJ made an appearance.

Cruella

Runtime: 2 hours 14 minutes. Felt long. Turns out it actually was.
How to watch: In Cinemas now or Disney + (Premier release….just means you also have to pay $29.99 extra)
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ There are only 3 Dalmatians….which is good because they turn out to be evil and 98 more would have made it a horror movie.
Suitable For: The over 10 crowd….the under 10s will get bored (and also the Dalmatians kill people which is not ideal)

So turns out every character now needs an origin story, because it is important to bleed every last dollar possible out of that back catalogue. In this instalment of “Origin Stories we didn’t think we needed but now we can’t live without” comes the story of the famous villain who somehow managed to win her way into our hearts by attempting to kidnap 101 gorgeous puppies and turn them into a coat.

Cruella tells the story of, funnily enough, Cruella De Vil. Played to perfection by Emma Stone who is just awesome in everything. She probably would even be awesome in a Bed e Buys commercial, spruiking furniture that looks like it was plucked out of the sea from a shipwrecked shipping container. Watch as young Estella, finding herself a poor orphan on the streets of London, grows into the actually-quite-awesome Cruella, who sort of ends up a bit of a Tom Hiddleston Loki kind of villain, who is just impossible to hate. In the end you actually kind of hope she finds the rest of those dogs so she can make the coat because damn she deserves it for all she put up with.

The supporting cast is spot on and the setting of the London fashion scene was fabulous, but the real shock here is the Dalmatians. To be honest, we sort of expected them to be front and centre here with puppies everywhere, but there was only 3 of them…..and they were evil. Like Fluffy from Harry Potter kind of evil, not The Beast from The Sandlot who was supposed to be evil but ended up just cute and cuddly. Mental note, do not buy a Dalmatian.

It felt a bit long and some of our crew drifted off onto their phones (teenagers hey) but overall it was not a bad way to spend the night. Certainly fills the void until Marvel returns to the cinemas….woo hoo!

3 out of 5 Dalmatians – Gets a point for every Dalmatian we counted. Thats our scoring system….more puppers…more points.

Spirit Untamed

Runtime: 1 hour 29 minutes. Actual. Not and hour and half.
How to watch: In Cinemas June 2021
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ An inspiring delight to watch.
Suitable For: It’s suitable for every kid who has ever ridden around on their bike pretending it was a pony. Probably.

Spirit Untamed is an inspiring delight to watch. The kids loved the action and adventure, combined with some serious chuckles. The key characters are courageous, brave and caring. The plot is simple to follow, yet deep enough for some great conversations with older little ones afterwards too. There are a couple of sad parts, with my clan glued to their seats in anticipation of what would happen over the next ravine. Highly recommend this movie to families. Itā€™s PG rated, yet perfect for my little misses aged 5, 6 & 7.

We give it 5 jodhpurs out of 5.

Yes Day

Runtime: 86 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ A new movie genre….parenting horror cross child fantasy.
Suitable For: To be fair it is pretty much spot on for everyone.

Did your kids destroy your spirit? Were you a fun loving 20 something, who was always up for adventure but now you get concerned if the corners of your Tupperware are too sharp? Did you used to get down for a last minute road trip but now if it hasn’t been in the shared family calendar for at least a month, it all seems a bit rushed? Well, do we have the movie for you! In fact if you are like us you will feel rather targeted by this movie about a set of normal middle aged parents who turn from fun loving adventurers into the parenting equivalent of your Year 10 Maths teacher (shout out to Ms Butterworth….those life lessons sure did me good!). When the parents realise their kids think they are as boring as a covid press conference, they decide to take the parenting advice of a high school lunatic and let the kids have everything they want.

Sort of. Well its not really a spoiler is it, the title sort of gives it away. For 24hours or so, apart from committing criminal offences, whatever the kids ask for they get. Not sure why this is such a novel concept, as a younger parent if Daddy had one too many ‘special drinks’ on a Saturday night, Sunday morning inevitably became ‘Yes day’, if it meant an extra half hour sleep. Turns out that concept, which I thought was ‘bad parenting’ is actually a great concept for a movie. The things you learn hey.

Now this won’t win an Oscar. Should have given a warning before that grand statement, but for what this lacks in movie artistry it makes up for in family movie awesomeness. Jennifer Garner is awesome as the scary AF mean mum who comes good, while the kids play their parts well enough too (you know the type….moody teen girl, jokester boy who blows stuff up and the cute as a button young girl….they are all here!). It is fun, suitable for everyone and will be entertaining enough for even the most annoying members of your family (teenagers. I was talking about teenagers). Well worth a look!

4 out of 5 water balloon fights…….apparently if you destroy the inside of a car with water in a movie it is funny, but in real life it is property damage. The things you learn.

Soul

Runtime: 101 minutes
How to watch: Disney Plus
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ It is Pixar so it is astounding, but as a kids movie? Meh.
Suitable For: Little kids will be bored. Adults will find it incredible. Teens will be split.

After about the first 15 minutes of watching Soul, which don’t get me wrong, is another perfectly made piece of cinematic geniusness, you will sit there and wonder what kids exactly they made this for? Hear me out. Teacher who is a wannabe jazz musician, dying for his big break, struggles with the decision of whether to take the job security of a full time teaching gig over chasing his elusive jazz dream. That screams ‘Kids movie’ as much as ‘lets watch Tim explain how he does his taxes each year’ or ‘What sort of fertiliser is best to use on a lawn that gets little sunlight in the hills’. So you stick with it and the whole ‘Soul’ part of the movie starts to happen and yeah, there are some cool little characters who might force a snigger out of the side of a kids mouth, but overall this is like watching an animated version of a really good adult drama. Like Mighty Ducks. Which is what I class as an ‘Adult Drama’ (Flying V for the win Coach Bombay)

So what is it even about? Well not sure if it counts as a spoiler as you sort of expect death to be a thing given the whole “Soul” thing, but Mr Jazz guy dies and then goes through a bunch of after life adventures with these weird 2 dimensional stick figure people who are probably angels are something. Dunno. They seemed friendly. Might be the demons from ‘The Good Place’ for all we know. But as a middle aged adult, you will sit there watching it unfold and by the end, you will doubt whether or not you have lived every moment to the fullest and will promise yourself you will get up at 5am to admire every sunrise and smell every flower. All of them. Even ones full of bees. Just smell them and cop the stings.

There is some heavy stuff for the kids here. Lots of death. I mean its basically just a death movie in cartoon form. So you might have to talk about that, so if that is too hard just watch Toy Story 4 again. It isn’t funny so don’t expect a laugh fest and I guess your kids might ask if chasing your dreams always leads to death, which isn’t ideal probably. Honestly, you adults will love this and the reviews have been raving about it, but for your kids, don’t be surprised if they are so bored they just scroll Tik Tok for 101 minutes like mine did.

4 out of 5 Ghosts I don’t want Ghostbusters to bust – I loved it. Thats all that matters.

Paw Patrol – Jet to the Rescue

Runtime: 56 minutes
How to watch: AT THE CINEMA YOU BEAUTY!
Rating: G
Short version ā€“ Be happy to be back at the movies. Never complain again….even if it is just Paw Patrol.

They release a Paw Patrol movie every few months or so now. When I say movie, this was 56 minutes and even that consisted of 1 regular length episode and then 1 slightly longer episode. They even have the blacked out pauses where the ads usually go. So in what is basically an obscene money grab, you can watch Paw Patrol as you know it but with the privilege of paying $20 bucks a ticket for it. But honestly, who cares. It was tops just to be back at the movies with the little kids and hearing them laugh and carry on.

So what are you going to see? If you don’t know what Paw Patrol is (don’t google it. You will end up in some weird US racism rabbit hole that will make you doubt your sense of logic and common sense), a bunch of dogs have access to insane levels of technology (and time travel…that was new) where they use this tech to help people in need. All the pups have different gadgets and although most of them just have hooks attached to cables, they somehow manage to make those hooks and cables seem different to each other. In this movie, they also have jets. Because why not. Watch as the pups get in their jets to save an old English village from being levitated by a greedy prince who has found some magical gems. Amazing that someone took that plot to some sort of a meeting and they all agreed to make movie out of it.

Is it any good? Short answer of course not. It is meant for 5 year olds and it is a LOOONG 56 minutes. Half the parents I saw were on their phones most of the time but hey, it was a dark comfortable cinema with big chairs and snacks. Think of it as a 56 minute rest plus trailers, but the real joy here after a year of utter crap, is being at the cinema and hearing little kids laugh again. Mr 6 absolutely bloody loved the shite out of this one. Thought it was the bees knees he did. Movie of the decade as far as he was concerned. The movie gets 4 stars for that but for the parents you get nothing….bad luck. Do it for the kids.

4 out of 5 Pups – Watch it before the US cancel it….because they want too.

Mulan

Runtime: 115 minutes
How to watch: Disney + ($34.95 rental fee)
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Either a pretty good adult war movie or a fairly terrible kids movie.

Do you ever have a mate who is a tradie, so you get them in to do some work (thinking it will be cheap and you are helping a mate out) but they end up charging more than most normal tradies and they do a shite job? That is Disney. It looks like they are doing you a favour by releasing a big ticket release onto Disney Plus (skipping the cinemas) but then they charge bloody $35 bucks and the movie is a dogs breakfast. How good is 2020 hey?

Going to be honest here, I don’t recall ever seeing the Mulan cartoon movie. My kids never got into it and it was a bit after my (sigh) youth. But the story seems fairly easy enough right? Young chinese girl, pretends to be a boy to join the army to protect her country and has a cool, wisecracking dragon friend to boot. Pretty cool….what could go wrong?

Well turns out if you take away the wise cracking cartoon dragon friend, you are just sort of left with the story of a young girl who joins the army and goes to war. I mean don’t get me wrong, it isn’t a bad war flick, as she leaves her village to go to boot camp and then have a heap of battles….but…..it isn’t exactly a kids movie. My kids, ranging from 6 to 15, sort of thought it was crap. Boring (hard to argue that… there was not one joke. Not even a smile. Every character is Serious Simon ALL. OF. THE. TIME) and as much as 39 year old Dads find movies about 5th century China intriguing, the kids watched out of politeness (tbh they weren’t that polite) and the promise of snacks.

So what do you do? There isn’t a whole lot to watch movie wise and this is one of the BIG releases of the year, so if you are like me and have to have a look, here is the upshot. There is a lot of killing. Like Mulan is a bad ass assassin who just slays a bucketload of people. It isn’t gory as such, but you know, a spear through a dude is still a spear through a dude. It is probably aimed more at the 10yrs and above, but my 10 and aboves were bored out of their brains. They both gave it 2.5 out of 5…and they were just being nice because it was Father’s Day and it was my movie choice. Hard to argue. Unlike Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast and other Disney flicks, there is nothing bright and shiny to keep the young ones attention sadly.

2.5 out of 5 Cartoon dragon sidekicks – Everything is better with a cartoon dragon sidekick.

The One and Only Ivan

Runtime: 95 minutes
How to watch: Disney +
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ A movie about a large hairy beast in lockdown who gets angry a lot….pretty much the story of me in March.

This would have been a huge school holiday movie where everyone would go to see it. You know, the big budget Disney flick with all the celeb voices and slick CGI. But its snuck onto streaming because, virus-who-shan’t-be-named, so just don’t picture this as the usual Disney + “made for TV” movie garbage (looking at you Camp Rock…..still haunts me). Its a ripper!

Ivan is a ginormous Silverback Gorilla who is the star attraction at a shopping mall’s permanent circus set up because in 1980s America, shops had Gorillas. Of course they did. I sat here watching thinking “what a stupid premise….why would a shop have a permanent circus?”…..turns out its a true story! Who knew. Lift your game Westfield! Less Smiggles….more Gorillas!

Ivan and his mates (Elephants, seals, stray dogs and small children pretty much round out the group here), after being at the mall for 27 years (pretty sure thats how long it feels when we go Christmas Shopping…kill me now) have had enough and want to go home to the wild….or at least outside. Thats the plot here, the journey to freedom…of sorts. Simple enough but here comes Disney with the BAM. Tissues. They just know how to get you don’t they! “Oh how cool are these guys, I love their personalities….wouldn’t it be a shame if we, I don’t know, took out Simba’s dad in the stampede?”

So yeah, there is a bit of a tear jerker here so watch out for it with the little ones and 39 year old dads. Damn onions get you every time. You will really come to love all the crew here and even the humans aren’t really the bad guys either. Bryan Cranston swaps his meth lab for a circus ringmaster hat and is fantastic, while Angelina Jolie stars as Ivan’s best mate the Elephant. We all loved this one to be honest, with the whole fam from Mr 6 through to Miss 15 happily watching it. Pretty sure Miss 15 was happy….hard to tell with teenagers isn’t it. It is funny, not too long, no scary bits and has the added boost of being a true story. Brilliant stuff.

4.5 out of 5 Gorillas – Gorillas are awesome. Just love those guys.

SamSam

Runtime: 77 minutes
How to watch: In theatres now (gee it feels good to write that again)
Rating: G
Short version ā€“ Its a French kids cartoon movie released in English. It sounds like a dumpster fire. But amazingly it isn’t.

France. Home to the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, croissants, long bike races through mountains and of course their most famous export…..SamSam. Never heard of SamSam before? Cool. Neither had I. How to best describe SamSam?. You know those movies with Bill Murray where he goes real Indie and plays whack job characters but they are awesome… It is like that. The cartoon version of the Royal Tenenbaums.

So SamSam is a 5year old kid (maybe. Who knows. SamSam world is weird) who lives in a Super Mario Galaxy type universe where planets seem as big as large basketballs and parents give so few shits about the kids they just lay on the lounge reading the paper, while the kids fly off in space ships to other planets to go to school. That was the part that got me. What age do these kids get their licence? I mean SamMum and SamDad just gave zero shits. Oh where is SamSam…the 5 year old kid we have? Oh look he is flying near a black hole being chased by a monster. Spoiler Alert. Sorry.

But the weirdness is kind of cool. This is a little kids movie, so leave the over 10s to roam the mall for a few hours and call it a ‘life lesson’ (hey if it is good enough for SamSam’s parents it is good enough for me!), but the parents won’t mind it either. The plot is essentially Romeo and Juliet, if the Capulets were Cosmic Space heroes and the Montagues were what I think are a planet of the pigs from Angry Birds. The classic love story.

SamSam lives in a universe where everyone has super powers, except he hasn’t got his yet, but all this friends do. So the story sort of follows how he tries to find his powers, makes friends with the mysterious new kid and blah blah, friendship is his superpower, blah blah, you get where this is going.

The sort of weird but also really good thing about this is yeah there are monsters, but the monsters are the things little kids have to deal with. Like bed wetters. Little golf ball sized things that chase kids and squirt them with water pistols to make it look like they wet their beds. Yep that was a thing. So the little ones will be able to relate to SamSam really well. It is still weird AF though.

2.5 out of 5 unlicenced children flying space ships. I sort of want to watch the original french cartoon TV series now.

Scoob!

Runtime: 93 minutes
How to watch: Google Play, Apple Plus, Microsoft Store
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ So can they all understand Scooby Doo? Are talking dogs normal in the Scooby Cinematic Universe?

So this is a Scooby Doo movie. There has been that many over the years, they have run out of titles so now they have to do just weird abbreviations and punctuation. The sequel to this one will probably be called $c@@B followed by some emojis. Unlike the Freddy Prinze Jr (god damn what a dreamboat) live action movies from back when the biggest issue in the world was whether to get 7 weeklys for $10 or to get 5 overnight new releases (You know when you tried to work out if it was actually possible to watch 26 hours of movies before having to return them all 24 hours later. Ah good times), this is a cartoon. But please, when I say ‘Cartoon’, I don’t mean Pixar quality animation. Think more along the lines of those Barbie: Mermaidia sort of thing and you are on the right track. That doesn’t mean the kids won’t like it, but you know, it won’t win an Oscar.

Scoob! is an origin movie of sorts, with the Mystery Inc crew meeting as kids and then showing them do their thing as teens. For the most part it is harmless enough and the plot is kind of cool, in fact it is still a better origin movie than Green Lantern. I mean you won’t actually lol, but you will do that ‘loud exhale which isn’t a laugh but indicates to those around that you found some small level of humour in what you just witnesses’. Mr 6 bloody loved it. I mean he actually lol’d a bloody lot so park your young ones in front of the TV and they will be like pigs in mud. The teens gave up and went on Tik Tok or something I assume. Who knows what they do most of the time.

I actually like Scooby Doo. The Scooby Coaster at Movie World is one of my fave rides ever! So with the nostalgia thing, parents won’t mind this too much. There is also enough inside jokes to keep you interested and nods to Scooby of years gone by, plus at only 93 minutes, it is less painful to watch than a crows game at the moment (if this review acts as a quasi-time capsule, the crows are about to be 0-6 and are so woeful it hurts).

One thing I still can’t work out is if they can all understand Scooby talking, or if talking dogs is a normal thing in the Scooby Cinematic Universe, or if it like a Family Guy deal where they just all talk and never explain who can understand who. I also spent a lot of time working out how much the Mystery Inc would actually charge for their services to solve these mysteries. I mean Velma’s tech wouldn’t come cheap, plus staff costs, fuel and running costs for the Mystery Machine Anyway…isolation has made me loco.

3 out of 5 talking dogs. It has a cool celeb cast. Extra half a point to pick the voices (I was certain Ryan Reynolds was in it! Turns out…no)

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

Runtime: 125 minutes
How to watch: Netflix
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ JaJa Ding Dong is my new favourite song. Not Eurovision Song. Play Jaja Ding Dong!

Will Ferrell can be a bit of an acquired taste. Like a teenage South Aussie trying West End Draught for the first time, it can go down a bit rough. But after a while, it will either still taste like red death or liquid gold. That pretty much sums up Will Ferrell. For every Step Brothers super fan (me) you will find someone who can’t stand him. Well whatever category you fit in, I can assure you that red tins Ferrell is nowhere to be seen and he is absolute liquid gold in Eurovision.

Don’t know what Eurovision is? It is pretty much the 1989 SAFM Rock Eisteddfod with a bigger budget and more Europeans. The song contest to end all song contests. Imagine the Voice but without the spinning chairs, bickering judges and Delta. Thankfully no Delta here. This yearly feast for the senses drags, from all over Europe, the most talented artists into one contest and then for good measure, chucks in a couple of lunatics to make you wonder what exactly your eyeballs are absorbing. It is really quite brilliant.

I must admit, this was a slow burn for me. The first 5 minutes had me thinking this was going to be more West End Draught Will Ferrell and less Step Brothers Ferrell, but after that initial whinge, I was hooked. Still am. It is brilliant. Ferrell is fantastic but it is his relationship with Sigrid (Rachel McAdams is the REAL star here) which just makes this. It is funny, has some ripper cameos (lots of real life Euro contestants appear too!) and the music is so damn catchy . It will even have the least artistic person in your family (in my case that is me) you-tubing Eurovision clips or just trying to do dances on Tik Tok.

Not often will you have what is essentially a romantic comedy musical being shouted as being so good, from someone who usually leans more to fart jokes, so this is the perfect date night movie. Even better, with it being on Netflix, you don’t even need to wear pants with a belt to go see it! Track pants, a huge bag of doritos and those really comfortable bed socks which you don’t actually remember buying, is just what is needed to get ready for this one.

4.5 out of 5 Elves. Respect the Elves…..or they will go too far.

Trolls World Tour

Runtime: 94 minutes
How to watch: Stream via multiple sources
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Way better than expected. But that could be the cabin fever speaking.

I miss movies. I miss going outside. I miss wearing pants with a belt. When the world went crazy in the longest March in recorded history, a bunch of movies that were supposed to be released at the cinema were either delayed a million years or released straight to the 412 streaming sites we now pay $10 a month each for. Trolls World Tour was one of those released online earlyā€¦.woo hoo! New stuff to watch besides re-runs of The Office.

In the sequel to the movie based on those long-haired dolls that sat on your desk in the 90s (Surely a Tamagotchi movie isnā€™t far away?), we head back to Troll land which is so loud and so bright it makes you want to wear glasses inside (which also helps to cover the iso day drinkingā€¦life hack). You know that person at work who is fine in small doses, like a quick chat in a hallway once a day kind of thing, but anything more than that just does your head in? Troll land is like that. The trailer for it looked horrendous BUTā€¦..the movie is actually good! It probably shouldnā€™t be great but in a world where the Tiger King is the worldā€™s biggest celebrity, just roll with it. Whatever. I had Doritos for breakfast. The world is crazy.

Join the Troll queen Poppy as she and the Justin Timberlake troll go on an adventure to stop the rock and roll troll queen from taking over the troll world, by collecting the ā€˜music stringsā€™ of the many troll music kingdoms. It is essentially the plot from Avengers Endgame, but rather than Thanos collecting infinity stones to take over the world, the Rock Troll Queen is collecting troll music strings. Given I have a lot of time on my hands, stay tuned for my 20, 000 word thesis on the similarities between the Trolls and Marvel Cinematic Universes.

The best thing is, the whole fam will love this! My clan, from Mr (now) 6 to Miss 15 really enjoyed it and best of all, you will enjoy it too. You probably wonā€™t even need to drink to get through it and you can watch it from your lounge room in your night time pyjamas (because I now have day time pyjamas and night time pyjamasā€¦.makes me feel like more of an adult if I get dressed each day).

4 out of 5 Trolls. It would probably be a 3.5 in a normal world, but a new movie to watch is like gold Jerry gold!

Onward

Runtime: 102 minutes
How to Watch: Disney + from April 24
Rating: PG
Short Version ā€“ Chris Pratt + Tom Holland + Pixar = Awesome

Normally a Pixar movie release is a big deal for movie nerds like me. Everything they do is absolute gold, except for Cars 2ā€¦.that was a trash fire. Sadly before everything closed, Onward was at the cinemas only slightly longer than that pause Dora does after she asks a question. But we have good news, Disney are releasing it online almost immediately so buckle up, this is a beauty.

Join my 2^nd favourite movie star Chris (love you Hemsworth) and my favourite Spiderman (close 2^nd is Tobey Maguire for those playing at home) as they star as elf brothers in a modern day suburban fantasy worldā€¦think Lord of the Rings but where Gandalf goes and orders Dominos after a hard day working as an accountant.

In any other era, this would have made a squillion dollars and been an absolute smash. It is funny, the visuals are amazing as always and the plot will get you right in the feels as the brotherā€™s try and use magic to bring their dad back to life for one last hug. Bloody onions. I mean its like in the start of ā€˜Upā€™, where you just start leaking eye fluid and canā€™t stop it.

Mr 6 absolutely loved it. In fact this has already been requested for a re-watch as soon as we can get it (managed to sneak this one in at the cinema before the apocalypse) and if you have tween daughters all you will need to say is ā€œTom Hollandā€ and they will love it. Like most Pixar flicks, it has a heap for the parents too and best of all, no songs. No power ballads from an ice castle about frozen lakes or whateverā€¦absolute bliss.

4.5 out of 5 Elves who drive panel vans. I also love Chris Evans so maybe he nudges Pratt to position 3. Its a tough call.

The Wishmas Tree

Runtime: 90 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – Support Aussie cinema. Just bloody go see it, you wonā€™t regret it. 

Being a parent is tough. Usually when you watch movies and TV aimed at the younger kids, it can be a grind. Hour after hour, until eventually you find yourself so engrossed in whether or not Dora will take the hidden path through the mountains that you donā€™t realise your kids left the room half an hour ago. Rest assured this one is not like that at all, it is actually really funny and pretty much for all ages.
We donā€™t get to see a heap of Aussie movies at the cinema, certainly not for kids anyway. It is also kind of cool, given the horrible summer we have had, to see all the cool Australian animals on screen. They play cricket too! But as nice as that sentiment is and all that, Aussie movies can sometimes be a bit rubbish. Thankfully, this one is a winner and the kids will love it, plus as an added bonus it wonā€™t be 90 minutes of your life you will wish never happened. The animation is bright and the little critters are as cute as baby Yoda, plus a lot of the actors are Aussies so the voices will be familiar too.
The story follows a bunch of Aussie animals living in a little sanctuary (funnily enough called Sanctuary City), where they live beneath a big old magical wishmas tree (funnily enough it grants wishes). Obviously an adventure follows and the brave team of animals do a heap of cute and funny things, which the little kids will eat up. There are a few scenes with some predator animals that may scare some little ones, but it is mainly a bright and bubbly kind of flick. Mr 5 absolutely loved this one, but it would be aimed mainly at the under teen bracket.

3 out of 5 Drop Bears. They really have drop bears which is so cool. They also have a TV show named Pelican Degeneres which made me laugh so hard I snorted.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Runtime: 99 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – OK 80s kidsā€¦.were you a Sonic or Mario kid? You will be Sonic after this.

This should have been a steaming dumpster fire of a movie. If you want to give yourself a nightmare, google ā€˜Sonic before and afterā€™, to see what Sonic looked like when they released the first trailer. It will keep you awake at night. I donā€™t even know how to describe it. If Married at First Sight was a cartoon character, it would like as terrifying as that.

Thankfully, for probably the first time ever, the movie studio listened to the internet and went away and fixed this monstrosity and made Sonic look really cool in time for the movieā€™s release. Now I am assuming all my faithful readers (Hi Mum) know who Sonic the Hedgehog actually is. As a bonafide 80s kid, you were either a Mario kid or a Sonic kid, not both. In video game land, Mario was Nintendo and Sonic was Sega. Like Chalk and Cheese, Crows and Port, Me and A version of me who doesnā€™t binge eat in my pyjamas. I was always more on the Mario side, but when it came to the movies Mario had destroyed any goodwill with possibly the worst movie ever made (including The Emoji Movie), Super Mario Bros. It was a car crash. Donā€™t believe me? Watch it. Donā€™t say I didnā€™t warn you.

In his first movie outing, Sonic is a space hedgehog (because that is a thing) who is insanely fast, but also holds unlimited power. Naturally, baddies try and catch him to get that power and all that usual plot stuff. Before I lose you with the sort of simple plot, you have to add Jim Carrey in his best performance in soooo long. He is sensational and so funny. Plus the kids will love (and not be terrified anymore thankfully) by Sonic, who is pretty much a teenage space hedgehog who just does teenage things like not listen to his parents and do stupid stuff.

We all absolutely loved this and canā€™t wait for the next one. A few cartoonish battle scenes may slightly frighten little ones (Mr 5 covered his eyes briefly at times) but there is nothing too bad. They nailed this one and in a kind of cool little twist, Mr 5 came home and wanted to play Sonic. Maybe I should make him watch a movie about cleaning his room.

4.5 out of 5 Space Hedgehogs. Your move Mario. Redeem yourself!

Emma

Runtime: 124 mins
Rating: PG
Short version – Did you know Clueless was based on Jane Austenā€™s Emma? Well now you do.

So. Not my standard genre this one. Me seeing a Jane Austen movie is the movie equivalent of a bull in a china shop. Nobody quite knows how he got there but he is probably going to make a lot of noise and upset those around him. The last 40 or so movies I have seen have usually involved a talking animal of some kind or someone wearing a cape or flinging around a lightsaber. I had no idea how I would take to pretty much the complete opposite to my standard fare, a gentle stroll through 18th (ish) century England. Well it turns out I actually like Jane Austen! Who knew.

Donā€™t get me wrong, it isnā€™t perfect. For one its quiet. Like so quiet. All the humour is so subtle (but still really funny), the music so soft and general movie sounds so low, that it legitimately took me about 20 minutes to eat my choc top because every crunch reverberated through the cinema like a jackhammer. I felt like I was in the Birds Eye Golden Crunch chips ad where they crunch insanely loud with every bite. That was me, but with choc tops.

So join Emma Woodhouse, a rich (Downton Abbey sort of rich) 21 year old who does a bit of match making when she isnā€™t sitting quite proper and speaking very deliberately about things. The cast is superb, with a few familiar faces popping up (If you have watched the most recent season of The Crownā€¦you are in luck) and by the end you will be wishing you lived 300 years ago except for the lack of wifi and antibiotics.

This isnā€™t a kids movie obviously, but as a date night movie its a pretty good choice. Normal rom coms are sometimes a special kind of torture, and although this does maybe drag a bit longer than it should time wise, it is probably a pretty good choice for your Valentine date night. Or go Bad Boys for Life. Toss a coin. I dare you.

4 out of 5 fancy hats. They all wear fancy hats. I wish hats were still a thing outside of Melbourne Cup day.

Dolittle

Runtime: 101 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – Mr 5 gave this movie a zero. From a kid who loves Iron Man.

I love Robert Downey Jr. I mean I saw the trash reviews for this and thought ā€˜nope, it canā€™t be that bad. Iron Man cannot be that badā€™. Iron Man was indeed, that bad. It hurts when someone you love hurts you so bad. You have such high expectations for them and hold them on a pedestal, that when it all comes crashing down the fall seems all that much harder. Kind of reminds me of how I felt after the 2017 AFL Grand Final. Still havenā€™t recovered from that thanks Crows.

This really should have been the perfect kids school holiday movie. Likeable and popular lead, with big budget talking animals with a bunch of celebrity voices. Boom. Licence to print money. Sadly, they sort of forgot to make it funny. Or interesting. Or exciting. Or anything really. Coupled with a weird Welsh accent from Iron Man and it was just kind of annoying in the end.

So whatā€™s it all about then? Well Dolittle is a vet that talks to animals. Sort of like Dr Chris Brown but less attractive, and Iā€™m not actually sure Dr Chris can talk to the animals either. But anyway. For some reason the Queen of England, while being sick, calls a vet to help her get better. Seems an odd choice. Would have thought a people Doctor would have been a better choice but what do I know. I am not a fancy Hollywood script writing person. 

So because of this weird plot choice, Doctor Chris Dolittle has to solve the mystery of why the Queen is sick or something, then go on an adventure to find the cure which is apparently yet to be discovered but they seem to know a lot about it? Made no sense but whatever. The animals do a bunch of stuff, none of which is very funny, then the movie ends. 

None of the crap plot, lack of funniness and weird accents matter as long as the kids liked it right? Sadly, everyone thought it was a steaming pile of 2017 AFL Grand Final. Mr 5 gave it zero. Zero! And I gave him snacks like the whole way through so he should have been primed for a good score. I thought it may have been him being spiteful for me eating most of his popcorn, but he was adamant. Zero. So the score stands. There wasnā€™t anything for the kids to be scared about, apart from a scary lack of coherent plot and Iron Manā€™s Welsh accent.

The rest of us were slightly more generous with our scores. Slightly.
1.5 out of 5 dogs wearing glasses. Watch this at home on Netflix while scrolling insta on your phone.

Shaun The Sheep Movie: Farmageddon

Runtime: 87 minutes
Rating: G
Short version – There is no talking. At all. In the entire movie.

So I remember Shaun the Sheep. Mainly the annoying theme song which kind of sticks in your brain like Gangnam Style, but I donā€™t actually remember watching a whole episode. Had I remembered, I probably would have realised nobody actually talks. So as the movie rolled on for a few minutes, I realised that not one character speaks. I mean they make noises, sort of like the noises I make when I try and get out of a chair. Thats pretty much it. Middle aged man trying to get off the lounge noises. For 87 minutes.

Not that the plot is hard to follow or anything. Its no Da Vinci Code. Alien lands on farm. Shaun the Sheep meets alien. Nobody speaks. The end. This is one of those movies that are pretty much aimed at the 5 year olds or younger, then gives minimal enjoyment to those older than 5 who have to watch it. I was actually surprised it was listed at only 87 minutes. Felt like an eternity. 

Look it wasnā€™t that bad. The kids in the packed cinema seemed to love it. Hard to tell with kids though sometimes isnā€™t it. You could take them to Dreamworld for the day, but if you refuse to get them a balloon on the way out, its like you ruined their life and the lives of their childrenā€™s children. Mr 5 followed the plot well enough and seemed happy enough, but he had 2 killer pythons as snacks so he probably would have been happy watching movie ads. I had zero chance of dragging my older 2 girls to this one. I know when to pick my battles. So let you older kids walk the mall while you go see this one. They will be fine. Probably. 

Lastly, this is made by the Wallace and Gromit claymation studio. I love that style, but if you donā€™t? Bad luck. Your kid will make you see this anyway. Sucker.

2.5 out of 5 Sheep. Did you know the plural of sheep is sheep? There you go. Education and movie reviews.

Spies in Disguise

Runtime: 115 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – If the cackling squeals of a 5yo mean a movie is good, then this was good. Or maybe he just likes pigeons?

I love Will Smith. I love Tom Holland. Add them together in a movie and it should be like adding Maltesers to popcorn (Try it. Seriously. Chuck the bag in there and just grab a mixed handful of chocolate salty goodness. Thank me later). I watched precisely zero trailers for this movie and apart from the title, knew nothing about what it was about. Spies wearing disguises I assumed. I cracked that code pretty quick.

So I sat down with the squids for a few hours to watch Will Smith playing himself, but in cartoon form, and Tom Holland pretty much doing the same thing. Add in a lot of pigeons, pigeon jokes and pigeon facts, then you kind of have this movie down pat. I actually learnt a lot about pigeons from this movie. Did you know pigeons can fly at 92 miles per hour! I mean I could convert that to metric but that seems like a lot of work. Anyway I was impressed. Seemed fast. Not sure if that is what the makers of this movie intended audiences to take away from it, but there you go. Entertainment plus learning. Donā€™t say that to the kids otherwise they wonā€™t go.

In case the title code was a tad complex to break, Will Smith plays a spy who through a bunch of plot devices takes on a disguise in order to save the world or his career or something. That disguise comes from when he is turned into a pigeon. Not really a spoiler as it was in the trailer, but certainly took me by surprise. There are a couple of funny bits. I canā€™t remember them the same way I can quote most of Step Brothers (so much room for activities. Did we just become best friends?) but you should at least laugh out loud twice. 

My clan enjoyed this. Mr 5 loved it more than I think he should have. Seems he really like pigeons. Miss 11 gave the usual one word answer whenever I ask if she enjoyed somethingā€¦.ā€goodā€. I feel the school system is letting down the kids these days. They just donā€™t use words good like I do.

2.5 out of 5 Pigeons. There are so many pigeons.

Jumanji: The Next Level

Runtime: 123 minutes
Rating: PG
Short Version ā€“ I smelled what the Rock was cooking. It was sensational!

So I will just note before this review that The Rock is my man crush. I have loved him since his days as a wrestler and love all his movies (except Doom. That was rubbish). Essentially, he gets a 3 out of 5 before I even see it. For those interested, my other man crush is Chris Hemsworth. Anyway moving onā€¦

The Jumanji sequels with The Rock have somehow managed to improve on something that was already brilliant. Its like when you get KFC chips and dip them in potato and gravy. It becomes this incredible potato on potato inception-style snack bonanza that is just heavenly. If you havenā€™t seen the first Jumanji with The Rock, give it a go. You will love it. Also, watch it while eating KFC chips and potato and gravy. You can thank me later.

So the new Jumanji moved away from the board game of the original to a video game setting, with a bunch of kids transported into the game and having to ā€˜playā€™ the game as different characters. This new instalment has the kids thrown back into the game for another adventure where they do stuff. It is seriously one of the funniest and best family movies I have seen in ages. The only downside is that I saw this movie a few days after gorging myself stupid at Christmas, so every time I laughed my body jiggled, reminding me that I ate way too many mince pies.

The Rock and all the cast are just insanely funny. My clan, ranging from 5 to 15, all absolutely loved it. Mr 5 gave it a thousand out of 10, which is quite a good score but also gave an insight into his grasp of basic mathematics. It is a bit of an action type movie and there are some scenes where Mr 5 used my hand as a human helmet to block a few little bits here and there, but there was nothing too bad. This is a school holiday must see.

5 out of 5 Peopleā€™s Elbows (little WWE throwback reference for those playing at home) ā€“ An absolute corker this one.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Runtime: 142 minutes
Rating: M
Short version – Fear not. It isnā€™t crap. Not amazing either but not crap.

Do you know when you love something, like really really love something, then it hurts you a lot. But you love it anyway? Like me when I have soft cheese. God I love me some cheese but it just doesnā€™t love me back as much. Well Star Wars is like that. The soft cheese of movies. I am still recovering from the shemozzle that was The Last Jedi. That sucked so bad.

Since Disney acquired the Star Wars infinity stone to add to their entertainment gauntlet (extra points for those who get the Marvel reference) a few years back, they have been churning out a new Star Wars movie every year, with no real care as to whether they are any good or not. So again, this year like clockwork, I went along to eat the soft cheese which is Star Wars. Will it hurt me again this year or will it hark back to the glory days of awesomeness.

Well for me, the answer is somewhere in the middle. If you havenā€™t seen the newest bunch of Star Wars movies, and only know the old ones, there is enough here that you will recognise. Chewbacca, C3PO, R2D2 and those weird aliens with the long noses. But you may get a bit lost with what is actually going on. Who cares though, because its Star Wars and nobody really watches Star Wars for the in depth plots and character developments.

Spoiling a Star Wars movie in a review is a crime punishable by having to watch the Emoji Movie on repeat 10 times in a row, so that isnā€™t going to happen! But you should leave somewhat satisfied, especially if you choose Fruchocsā€¦..canā€™t ever be disappointed if you choose Fruchocs.

Kids love Star Wars and although there is no swearing and bad gory things in this one, it is fairly loud and there are a heap of fighting scenes. Nothing out of the ordinary for Star Wars here so if your kids like the others, they will be fine with this one. My kids think Star Wars is boring so if anyone wants a few kids, I have some for sale. Going cheap.

3 out of 5 Droids. It isnā€™t the Star Wars movie you are looking for but it is at least a heap better than the last one.

The Addams Family

Runtime: 105 minutes
Rating: PG
In Theatres: 5 December 2019 Short version ā€“ It should have sucked but it actually kind of didn’t. 

If you have zero expectations for something, then not only will you never be disappointed but you will often be really surprised when things arenā€™t as shite as you expect them to be. I take this attitude to a lot of things in life, from my expectations for how my beloved 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ Crows will perform (or not perform) to Netflix Christmas movies (always shite except The Knight Before Christmasā€¦.that was really bad in the best possible way!). So this was me heading in to see The Addams Family.

I didnā€™t realise there was a demand for an animated Addams Family movie. I mean the live action movies in the 90s were kind of good, but you know, sort of forgot they were even a thing since then. So walking in to see this I was honestly just looking forward to having popcorn and a choc top before midday. The movie just legitimised my binge snacking issue. Eating half a kilo of popcorn before noon is totally fine as long as a movie is playing on a screen in front of you. Do it in your car and apparently you have a problem. 

Shock horror this movie was actually good! With a Coraline/Corpse Bride style of animation (you know that Nightmare Before Christmas vibe) and a real homage to the original Addams Family series, coupled with lots and lots of jokes to keep the parents entertained, you will actually like this a lot. I actually think the parents will like this more than the kids. They also threw in a wholesome message about always being true to yourself or something. I think that was the message, or it might have been to always have a frankenstein monster as a butler. Dunno. I was eating a lot of snacks so it was hard to hear.

It takes a brave kids movie to release as direct competition to the Frozen juggernaut, but if ever a movie was the complete opposite of Frozen, it is the Addams Family. The kids didnā€™t laugh half as much as the parents to be honest but they wonā€™t be too bored.  The general vibe of the Addams Family is Halloween-style horror, but nothing is too terrifying apart from price of Fruchocs at the candy bar. All ages will get something out of this to pass a few hours on a rainy or 45 degree day (With 91¹ū¶³“«Ć½ weather either could happen in the same week). Give it a shot if you have already seen Frozen once or 7 times.

3 out of 5 Spiders. There are a lot of spiders in this movie. And frogs. Public service announcement for those scared of spiders and frogs.

Frozen 2

Runtime: 103 minutes
Rating: PG
In Theatres: 28 November Short version ā€“ Donā€™t bother fighting it. You will see this movie. Probably many many times. 

If you have a child, know a child or were once a child yourself, you would have seen the first Frozen movie. Since it was released 6 years ago, odds are you saw it so many times that you have developed an unhealthy hatred of snow, singing, Kristen Bell and singing. One thing for sure is, you still love Olaf. God I love that little guy. Just want to give him a big warm hug.

You donā€™t need to rewatch the first one before seeing number 2. Your brain will remember it as vividly as the time you slipped over in front of that girl you liked from high school when you took her ten pin bowling and split your pants. Moving onā€¦.

All your faves are here. Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, Olaf, Sven and all the townsfolk of Arendal who have learnt to just live with the fact their Queen could freeze the water supply through nothing more than a bad dream. Must be sort of terrifying really but they seem to like her so good for them. They smile a lot but that could be out of fear I guess. I wonder if Elsa cheats during water balloon fights? You know, just freeze the balloons mid flight. I feel like she would. Seems rather the competitive type.

In this instalment they go on a quest because, well there doesnā€™t seem to be a lot more to do in Arendal to be honest. I guess rock climbing or kayaking but hard to build a plot around that, so off they go on an adventure and meet new friends, break into song every 7 or 8 minutes and discover that Elsa is actually a founding member of the X-Men. That part isnā€™t true but canā€™t wait for the cross over! My clan, from Mr 5 to Miss 15 all absolutely loved it and we sang a brand new brain crushing song all the way home. I wonā€™t spoil which song it is. You will know it when you hear it.

Take all the kids. They will love it so much you will watch it for the next 5 years on repeat.

5 out of 5 Songs that will get stuck in your head until you develop insomnia.

Last Christmas

Runtime: 103 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version ā€“ Prepare to have George Michael songs stuck in your brain.

So here we are. The first Christmas movie of the season hits the cinema with yet another attempt at a rom-com classic to rival Love Actually. I think the same guy made it actuallyā€¦there you go trivia buffs, you can throw out that little tid bit of movie trivia without having to lose a tooth on a fantail. It wasnā€™t really romantic though and wasnā€™t really a comedy. More of a non-rom non-com. But it still works.

Join Daenerys of the House Tagaryen as she somehow manages to keep her job, despite pretty much being an unreliable alcoholic, as a sales rep at a Christmas Shop run by the rich mum from Crazy Rich Asians. There she meets the son from Crazy Rich Asians who just seems like a really nice dude in real life I reckon. Kind of like Chris Hemsworth. You want to hate them for being so bloody good looking but you just canā€™t. I wonā€™t give away the plot because unlike every rom-com ever made, this one is actually half interesting, but Crazy Rich Chris Hemsworth sort of stalks Daenerys in a ā€˜it would be creepy if I did it but it is cute because the guy who did it is Zoolander level attractiveā€™. Stuff happens and then the movie ends. Canā€™t say any more because that would be a spoiler, which is bad.

I will be the first to admit I am probably not the target market for this movie. They probably didnā€™t have ā€˜middle aged dude who currently has annoying hay feverā€™ in mind when they wrote this one. So if you tend to like these sort of things, or anything starring Jennifer Aniston or Matthew McConaughey, then pack your bags as you are in for a treat. For what its worth I didnā€™t hate it.

Now probably a tad more of a date night kind of movie than a kids sort of movie, the tweens and teens still got a kick out of this and apart from the usual emotions these sort of movies try and jerk at (damn onions!), there is nothing here that will be unsuitable.

3 out of 5 Dragons (Game of thrones reference for those playing at home). It isnā€™t Love Actually but its actually not bad.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

Runtime: 118 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – The movie version of the drunk business idea you and your friends think of. Crazy but it works!

You know when you walk into a conversation that has been going a while, donā€™t really know what they are talking about so you just smile like a weirdo and laugh with them to pretend you know what on Earth they are on about? That was me in the first 15 minutes of Maleficent, because I had either not seen the first one or my brain had erased it. Thankfully it didnā€™t take long to catch up because this Disney flick had quite frankly, cut and pasted the plot of about a dozen movies before. Legit. I donā€™t usually do the spoiler thing but bugga it, this is a cracker.

The plot of Avatar, you know the mega successful blue people movie. Peaceful (but powerful) forest people at one with nature fight against the evil humans who want their land for mining or herbs or whatever. Watch Maleficent and through some incredible use of trickery, the screenwriters have cut and pasted that script here! It is bonkers. But its good fun so who cares.

Join Angelina Jolie as Maleficent (no relation to Fiddy Cent) as she tries to convince everyone that she isnā€™t the big scary evil flying dragon thing that she kind of actually is, who has the power to pretty much kill everyone with a single thought. For some reason she has a god daughter (Aurora – Sleeping Beauty) who is human but lives with all the elves and fairies, rather than the humans on the other side of the river. If that was me, a large clumsy dude, I would be petrified of tripping and crushing my forest friends. But thatā€™s just me. Maybe she isnā€™t clumsy?

As weird as this movie is, given its basically the characters from Sleeping Beauty thrust into Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest, its actually pretty good fun. The special effects are epic and make you forget all the weird plot shenanigans going on. Jolie is awesome as the misunderstood magical sky demon and it has the best ā€˜meet the in-laws dinner partyā€™ scene since Meet the Parents. Kids under 10 might be scared by some of the darker bits and I its a tad sad at times (I am Groot. Will leave it at that) but apart from the little ones, the whole clan will get a kick out of this one. At around 2hrs, if you have the bladder the size of a thimble you will need 2 toilet breaks. Just a heads up thimble friends.

3.5 out of 5 winged sky demons with amazing cheekbones. You will have a blast.

Paw Patrol: Ready Race Rescue

Runtime: 44 minutes
Rating: G
Short version – Its only 44 minutes. You got this. I believe in you.

Every parent has had those times where you are sitting watching Hannah Montana for 3 hours and then you look around and realise the kids left the room ages ago. Surely that isnā€™t just me right? You just kind of zonk out in a sleep deprived state of semi-consciousness, not really sure what time it is but happy that the kids are alive and that means you are doing your job. Paw Patrol is kind of like that. There is nothing in it for the adults but after long enough, you really just hope Marshall wins the bloody race. He has to beat the corrupt Mayor Humdinger! How do they not see how corrupt he is! 

If you havenā€™t heard of the Paw Patrol, they are a bunch of dogs who are sort of like a mix of the SES, Police, Firies and Ambos all rolled into one. Everyone just calls them direct to help when they get stuck and stuff. They have some awesome tech. I donā€™t know who is funding them but they have all the good stuff. I spent most of the time wondering how they grip the steering wheels with their paws. I couldnā€™t see any gripping pads or any sort of pup handles. One of many plot holes I suppose. 

This one is for the really small kids. Like if they have never been to the cinema before, at 44 minutes this one is perfect. The story doesnā€™t matter. The pups race. Save their friends. Something about believing in yourself or something. All good wholesome stuff. My 5yo ate it up like fairy floss at the show. Out of his seat half the time cheering, so for that I guess it was spot on and it didnā€™t drag on so thatā€™s a win for me. 

4 out of 5 pups. Not sure how long this one will last in the cinema so get onto it this school holidays! 

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Runtime: 102 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – In hindsight, Doraā€™s parents werenā€™t really that attentive were they.

I have teen daughters which for me, meant that a vast majority of the last decade of my life has been in that twilight zone of time in between Dora asking a question to the audience and Dora answering the question. Time seemed to stand still in those mere seconds, as I watched her frozen eyes and wondered if I had accidentally paused the remote. Then, usually about 10 seconds later, she would answer that she would indeed take the path to the forest and not the mountains as I had guessed.

The Dora cartoon was soul destroying for a parent and I expected something similar of this movie. But with Michael Pena (one of the funniest dudes around) and Eva Longoria on board, it had some chance of not being terrible. This ended up falling in between as some sort of Lara Croft Jr/Jumanji for kids hybrid that wasnā€™t as bad as it could have been, but doesnā€™t mean it was good. Like a service station hot dog that didnā€™t give you gastro. I mean it wasnā€™t bad, but that doesnā€™t mean it was good. The best bits were then it took the piss out of the cartoon, like Dora staring for ages after asking a question. Or why Swiper the fox wore a mask. Was there a lot of fox related crime in the jungle and he needed to keep his identity a secret? Alas those moments were few and far between.

My daughters, 14 and 11yrs, thought it was OK. Probably in the service station hot dog range like me. My 5year old actually really liked it and he sat still during the whole thing. He didnā€™t get scared at all and there is nothing that will put anyone off, but I think out of all of us I actually like this the most. I think that means Dora has totally destroyed my brain. Like some sort of cruel torture.

3 out of 5 because Swiper swiped the other 2 stars. 

Abominable

Runtime: 97 minutes
Rating: G
Short version – Will make you want a Yeti as a pet

You know how there are some words that you just really struggle to say. Squirrel. Worcestershire Sauce (not the sauce bitā€¦I have that down pat), sixth. Well add Abominable to that list for me. I just canā€™t get it out. I just end up saying Abommable. As a result I hereby rename this movie ā€œThe Magic Snow Beastā€.

I will set the scene. Magic snow beast is magic and also rare. Evil rich dude who collects rare things catches him for reasons. Probably to make a rug out of him or something. Magic snow beast escapes, finds plucky kids and bingo. Hilarity ensues. Well when I say hilarity, its not quite that scene in bridesmaids where the chick is trying on wedding dresses after a dodgy lunch and collapses in the middle of the road, but there is enough to give you a bit of an actual lol. Not where you type lol but donā€™t actually make any sounds, an actual laugh out loud. Thats where this movie fits.

The kids will really like this one. All of mine did, except my 5 year old was a little scared of the magic snow beast at the start, but eventually I was able to regain use of my hand soon enough from it duty as ā€œ5yo eye coverer during sort of scary bitsā€. Miss 14 and 11 both loved it, but I did buy them a frozen coke on the way to the movies so they were in good moods which helped. Parenting hack – Frozen coke makes car rides so much quieter and more pleasant. Didnā€™t think you would get parenting tips as well as a movie review did you! The plot revolves around friendship, family, working together and all that jazz, which my 5yo found really easy to follow and keep track of what was going on. And if anyone cares I liked it too. A winner all round. 

4 out of 5 magic snow beasts

Angry Birds 2

Runtime: 97 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – Like the Royal Show. Kids will love it. Adults not so much.

in 2009, a young Tim with slightly less lower back pain than now, was sitting on the toilet playing Angry Birds, a new whiz bang phone game that was all the rage.  How could I possibly foresee that fast forward a decade and I would be writing a review of not only a movie about that game, but a sequel! A sequel to a phone time wasting toilet game where you throw birds into pigs. What a time to be alive.

Didnā€™t see the first one? Donā€™t stress I will catch you up. The red bird is the angry one. In the first one he saved the island from the pigs or something and now all the other birds like him. The birds now spend their days playing pranks on the pigs, who live on a nearby island. They are mortal enemies, these birds and pigs. Donā€™t ask why. I did and it melted my brain. Anyway they have to join forces to fight a threat from a mysterious third island. Those 5 lines essentially sum up the entire movie. I canā€™t believe someone presented that as an idea for a movie and then someone actually said ā€œyeah hereā€™s $50m, go knock yourself outā€.

What is most worrying is my kids bloody loved it. I think they are broken. I donā€™t think I laughed once. Maybe a burp turned into a giggle, but thatā€™s as close as I got. In a worrying sign for our future movie industry, my 5yo gave it 5 out of 5, my 11yo a solid 4 and my 14yo, who is the most sane of the group, a lowly 2. I will give it a 1. I am more disappointed with myself that I expected more from the Angry Birds 2 movie.

Overall 3.5 out of 5 birds. Sadly your kids will actually really like it.

A Dogā€™s Journey

Runtime: 108 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – We donā€™t deserve dogs.

Dogs are the best. Any movie involving a dog is great. Turner and Hooch. Milo and Otis. Beethoven. Beethovenā€™s 2nd. Not Beethovenā€™s 3rd. That was crap. All in all, whack a cute dog and some sort of loveable humans around it and its a sure fire recipe for movie magic!
This one however, was tough. If you donā€™t know the premise for this sequel to A Dogā€™s Purpose, basically Olaf from Frozen is a dog that gets reincarnated a bunch of times as it follows the lives of the various hoomans in his life. Essentially what that means is that a dog dies like every half an hour. It is brutal. I cried. Both my daughters cried. Then repeat every half hour when the dog dies again. It is like watching Marley and Me 4 or 5 times in a row.
After the 2nd dog died I sort of ran out of tears so was able to pay some sort of attention to the plot. You know it will end well, but if the success of a movie is judged by the amount of dogs that die in heartbreaking fashion whilst somehow managing to piece together your broken dog loving heart in an awesome conclusion, then this one ticks all the boxes. 
We all loved this one. Even my middle daughter who ā€˜hates moviesā€™. So for that alone this one rises above the pack. Get it. Pack. See what I did there. Pack. Dog pack. Anywayā€¦..Everyone will find the dog deaths sad but there is nothing too scary along the way so most ages will love it.

4 out of 5 pups. At least I know I wonā€™t cry in Angry Birds 2. Probably.

The Secret Life of Pets 2

Runtime: 86 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – I saw it 3hrs ago and have already kind of forgotten it.

Any parent will know that for every Toy Story, there is an Emoji Movie. This is one of those in between ones where it isnā€™t exactly painful to sit through, but when you walk out you wonder what exactly you did for the last 90 minutes. Sort of like when you drive home when a bit tired and then forget how you drove the last 5km, sitting there at at the traffic lights in a daze. Thats The Secret Life of Pets 2. Sitting at the traffic lights in a daze, not entirely sure where the last bit of your life went but knowing it wasnā€™t bad. You could also call it July. As in ā€œoh my god its already July where has the year gone and what have I done with my lifeā€

Join Max, Duke and some other pets whose names I have already forgotten, as they get up to mischief in New York whilst their owners are unconscious somewhere I assume. I mean they snuck a tiger into an apartment. Not really a spoiler alert because, does it really matter what the plot is? I spent most of my time trying to work out which pet best described me. Turns out I am Duke, the big scruffy one. He is clumsy, eats all the food and doesnā€™t really know what is happening most of the time. 

The kids ate it all up like lollies from a showbag though, so for that it gets full marks. My 3, ranging from 5 years through 14, all thought it was the bees knees and to that end, it is great family viewing. There are no scary bits and the humour is very much aimed at the kids, so no awkward convos to have later. The older teens may (will) get a tad bored however.

Thankfully at 86 minutes it is shorter than a Kardashian marriage and will be over before you know it.

3 out of 5 dogs. A point for each of my kids that liked it. No points from me.

The Lion King

Runtime: 118 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version – Relive the most traumatic death of your childhood. In stunning High Definition.

I would pay to listen to James Earl Jones reading the back of a detergent label. There is something about that voice which soothes the soul. Which is probably part of the reason why the death of Mufasa in the 1994 original hit so hard. You are on such a high watching the father-son relationship between Mufasa and Simba and then bam, somebody starts cutting onions again. 
In this new instalment, which I had to explain to my daughter isnā€™t a live action update like Aladdin (or were the lions just really well trained?), what is arguably Disneyā€™s finest work is faithfully recreated practically scene for scene. The visuals are just insane. I mean whatā€™s next? Will I be able to smell the lions next? For a moment you feel like you are watching a David Attenborough doco, until Pumba tells a fart joke which kind of reminds you this isnā€™t real.
The voice actors are incredible. Thankfully Jones was able to perform again as Mufasa because quite frankly, he is irreplaceable. Timon and Pumba are outstanding and a young up and comer named Beyonce (Think its pronounced Bee-Yon-Say) is great as Nala. Big things are in store for her I am sure. 
The little ones are a bit young for this version. It is so life like that most of the Scar and Hyena scenes even scared me and I am 38. So my 5 year old will have to wait for this one, so will my 11 year old who got her bravery from me. The Mufasa death is obviously a tough watch too which may be upsetting for kids or 38 year old men. 
Maybe try out the cartoon version and gauge their reaction, the scenes are almost identical.
For the adults, take your tissues. I have now cried 3 times in movies. Twice involve The Lion King.

5 out of 5 Beyonces. Outstanding. Better than the original. 

Aladdin

Runtime: 128 minutes
Rating: PG
Short version: Disney ruined my childhood.

Jokes. This is incredible. I was 11 when Aladdin was released with the incomparable Robin Williams. Since then I have seen it in excess of 6000 times. Probably. It certainly feels like that many. Even saw the musical a few years back. It is a tale as old as timeā€¦.wait sorry, wrong movie. Anyway Aladdin is a classic and a remake will struggle to top the original. So I thought.
You know the story. Street rat Aladdin on the streets of Agrabah, fooled by the evil Jafar yada yada yada Genie yada yada yada Princess and happily ever after.
Every single fave moment from the original is here and they nailed it. Not going to say I cried during the magic carpet ride but someone had some onions near me I swear. The cast is perfection and Will Smith. The Fresh Prince nailed this. Bravo.
Parents will love the nostalgia, the laughs and the visuals. So colourful and fantastic music. Kids of nearly all ages will love it too. Some of the little ones under 8 might find some of the mild action and fighting scenes a little much, especially nearing towards the end withā€¦.you know how it ends. Jafar. Evil genie. Do you do spoiler alerts for remakes of movies 27 years ago? Anyway for me, my 5yo is a little way off this one but my 11yo and 14yo were all over this.

Loved it! 4 lamps out of 5 for this one.

Toy Story 4

Runtime: 100mins
Rating: G
Short version – You can indeed improve on perfection.

Dear Pixar, Please just make Toy Story movies forever. Kind regards, Tim. Its hard to believe the first Toy Story was released in the mid 90s. Those were the days. I was rocking an undercut then from memory whilst navigating year 10. Thankfully there was no facebook to record that fashion travesty. Anyway I digress, since that first release, Pixar created probably the perfect trilogy of movies with the release of Toy Story 2 and 3 over the next 15 years or so. So did they stuff it up by going for number 4? I mean what 4th instalment of anything was any good. Police Academy 4? Nope. Sharknado 4? Nope again. Although Sharknado is truly awesome in its own way. Looking at you Iain Ziering.
Somehow they nailed it. With number 3 ending on a perfect note, the story picks up with Buzz, Woody and co. travelling across country with Bonnie and their new friend Forky. Spoiler alert, Forky is a plastic fork. I can imagine the round table meeting at Pixar where some hung over writer was asked on the spot for an idea for a new character. Then, hazily staring down at his empty lunch container he piped up with ā€˜uh how about a plastic forkā€™. Genius. Hilarious too. The scenes with Woody and Forky will remind parents of trying to drag a toddler through a shopping centre at Christmas.
The whole thing is just insanely good. You know those people that are annoyingly good at everything? ā€˜Oh you are a Doctor and also play the piano. Coolā€™. Thats Toy Story. It just shouldnā€™t be this good but it just is perfect.
This is the peak movie for the whole fam. The little kids will love it, the teen kids will love it and unless you have a small and undiscovered fear of those creepy old school dolls ala Annabelle, then adults will love it too.
And lastly, the person who doesnā€™t like those creepy dolls is me. Go see Annabelle yourself. Wont get a review from me though.

5 out of 5 forkyā€™s. Bring on Toy Story 5!

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Runtime: 130 minutes
Rating: M
Short version – Stop what you are doing and go see this movie now.

I mean it. With Avengers: Endgame grossing almost $3 billion earlier this year, chances are you either Saw it several times Saw it once Didnā€™t see it but have a general idea what its all about because your kids wonā€™t stop talking about it As someone who falls into category a), I will start by saying this review of Spider-man: Far from home, is entirely spoiler free. In fact I have probably already said too much. Far from home is the first movie in the Marvel cinematic universe since the events of Endgame, with details about plot kept very closely guarded. What I can say without fear of punishment, is all your favourite Spider-man faves return, as everyoneā€™s favourite neighbourhood hero travels to Europe to try and win the heart of his crush MJ. Of course from there, adventures follow which leads to a brilliant conclusion and applause (I may have been the only one clapping I must add). Oh my god so good. For those very familiar with the current crop of superhero movies, this will tick all your boxes. In fact, donā€™t even take the kids. Just go on your own when the cinema is empty and enjoy this majestic period in cinematic history. If you donā€™t like superhero movies and the kids are dragging you along? Will I like it I hear you say?

Of course you will. You donā€™t need to have seen all 22 Marvel movies to enjoy this one. They touch briefly at the start on previous events to quickly catch everyone up and then grab your popcorn and enjoy the show. At a nudge over 2 hours, it wonā€™t feel overly long and will be a great way to spend an afternoon. It has been given an M rating which seems fair. There are a lot of action scenes which could be a bit scary in parts and very loud in the cinema. There is also one short scene in particular (you will know it when you see it) which would probably scare the pants off the little ones. So for me and my kids, the 6yo gets a miss for this one and my 11yo is a little jumpy so probably not either. My 14yo is tougher than me and she love love loved it! Oh and another thing. Always stay til the end of the credits. Totally worth the wait.

4.5 webs out of 5 for me and that will probably increase after a 2nd viewing.