As we enter the final term of kindy, ahead ofĚýprimary school next year, I’ve had pause to reflect on what the year has taught me about my kids and myself.

Sounds deep doesn’t it? [Spoiler alert: it’s not.]

Let’s be real, this list could probably just end up a collection of socially awkward stuff ups and public faux pas I’ve made at kindy drop off to be filed under “and yet more things I suck at” but I also have some [semi] legit take aways to share about what I’ve learned as a parent in the first year of my twins kindy career. So here goes!

1. School backpack smell is a real thing.
   Ok, I know I said these were going to be legit. They DO get better. OrĚýdoĚýthey? #masterofsuspense Ěý#suspensemaster #masteringtheartofsuspense #thatwhichissuspensefulismasteredbyme
2. You will say “why is this wet?” every day now. See I told you they got better
3. Being a kindy parent means having a phone contact list with names like Jo Ethansmum.
4. My kid doesn’t need 27 kisses every 45 seconds after all. #mylifeisalie
5. There will be parents who look perfectly put together at every drop off and pick up. One of those people will not be me. Not even once.
6. Making mum friends at kindy isn’t as easy as you think. It’s kind of like walking into a Zumba class.. you think “how hard can this possibly be” and then you flail around the room in the wrong outfit making up moves on the spot, smiling awkwardly at strangers and end up the only one who can’t do it. Or maybe that’s just me.
7. There will be a mum who is an Enjo rep. She will find you, and she will sell you things. You’ll probably host a party. You may end up an Enjo rep. Your house will be no cleaner as a result.
8. The amount of effort you put into your child’s lunch is inversely proportiate to the likelihood of them actually eating it. See point one for how this ends.
   
9. There are not enough recycle bins in the world for the amount of egg carton crafts that will come home with pipe cleaners and pop sticks glued to them and if you attempt to smuggle them out into the bin [you will], you are 314% sure to get caught by a child who can’t see a shoe if it’s in front of him but slightly to the left, and emotionally wound him for life.
10. Conjunctivitis is the devils work.
11. Your child might be that guy inĚýAmerican Pie who won’t poo at school. Be regularly prepared with fully stocked toilet rolls on his return.
    
12. Don’t skip past the kindy correspondence in your inbox in favour of seeing what’s on sale at Witchery. I’ve been burned a few times on this one. Culminating in utter unawareness that kindy “photo day” was even a thing. As a result, my twins were captured in time looking like homeless, bedraggled vagrants with Vegemite on their ever so slightly too small big w tshirts. That did not, however, stop the photographer from making them kiss while lying in autumn leaves. Oh hi there engagement photo shoot [not weird at allĚý]. Despite this I’m still working through the shame spiral of not buying any.
13. Buy the kindy photos. Even if they’re crap and will go in a drawer. Otherwise one day your kids or your mother in law will ask you about them and no answer will be the right one.
14. You can’t control what your kids might learn from other children. This can be both a blessing and a curse.
    

    from www.giphy.com

15. They will never remember what they did that day. No matter how many times and in how many different [montessori approved] ways I have asked what my kids did at kindy, 99% of the time I get some version of “I have the recall ability of a goldfish” in response. Unless it’s something that might have popped up as a result of #14 or the F word. Then they will never forget it and will bring it up loudly and at every opportunity.
16. At home with kids six hours feels like the longest week of your life. When the kids are at kindy, 6 hours is just enough time to do the dishes [wander around Target], chop half an onion towards dinner preparation [eat four Tim Tams] and think about how long it might take to clean out the refrigerator. Use the time wisely [get Netflix], you will not get that time back.
17. Committee parents are a special breed of human who are more generous with their time than it turns out I am. Because of my complete and utter inability to say no to anything unless I have a prefabricated excuse I’ve practised 147 times at home in front of the mirror, I somehow wound up on the parent council.
    I am yet to attend a meeting.
    Nor have I done the required training. [Yes there’s training required][it may or may not be extensive] [I don’t know] [Remember this before you say yes unsuspecting first time kindy parent]
    And the training USB may or may not still be in my handbag.
    And it’s seven months later so I’m too scared to return it and draw attention to myself.
    Kindy teachers if you are reading this:
    

    from www.giphy.com

18. If you’re given the kindy washing to do, don’t take so long to return it all that they think they’ve lost the picnic rugs.
    

    from www.giphy.com

19. Also don’t accidentally keep a headscarf that appeared in the washing from kindy and end up wearing it to kindy drop off.
    

    from www.giphy.com

20. No matter what they did that day, or how they looked on their arrival, your kids will usually come home looking like they’ve been doing this all day.

    Image from www.zimbio.com

Investing in a cheap kindy wardrobe was $12.95 well spent.

So when my kids started kindy, I asked myselfĚýif I was doing the “kindy mum” thing right. I think this list has highlighted some possible areas I’m [probably not] going to work on. Nevertheless, all these little lessons are best learnt now, because it’s pretty clear I’m going to NAIL being a primary school mum.

Yep. We’ll see how that goes.

There are also heaps of things to do with kids in good old rads, and lots of them areĚýfreeĚý(which is, coincidentally, the precise amount of money that I like most to spend on something). Although.. If it’s something I can sit and watch them do while I drink a coffee and don’t have to help in any way, shut up and take my money.

Here’s a few sure fire signs you’re the parent of young kids in 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝â€¦

1. 1. On day one kindy drop off, another mum approaches you to say her brother in law went to school with your husband’s older sibling, and as it so happens you were in the year above her sister at school and you have multiple mutual friends you were otherwise unaware off. You both respond to this not altogether uncommon phenomenon with “that’s 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝!”.
   2. The day the 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝ Zoo announced their giant Nature’s Playground development was the best day of your life. The day it opened you were happier than drunk Andrew O’Keefe at the Logies.
      
   3. You [your husband] has done a curb side stakeout at 4am to get poll position for the 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝ Christmas pageant. With a box of chalk. And a 2L thermos of coffee. And the steely determination to take someone down if they so much as attempt to rock up at 7am and put a camp chair in front of you.
   4. Your kids say “heaps good” and chance [chah-nce], dance [dah-nce] and prance [prah-nce] and when holidaying in Queensland, you’ve been asked where in England you come from. [This has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of Thomas the Tank engine they watch][nothing at all].
   5. The closest you’ve come to seeing the Tour de France [frah-nce] in recent times is taking the kids to the Tour Down Under hoping to get a glance [glah-nce] of ĚýLance [lah-nce] Armstrong before he was caught in his unfortunate performance en[hah]ncement circumst[ah]nce.
   6. You have pictures of your kids with the pigs in the mall. And the pandas at the zoo. And if your kids are anything like mine, they are about as successful as this:
      
   7. You have quietly smirked to yourself about the fact that wang wang and funi sound a little bit like code name for the anatomy involved in “special cuddles” with daddy. [Childhood is short, immaturity is forever]
   8. If there’s a fruit that can be picked, you’ve picked it. And eaten most of it on the way home in the car. And washed it off the car seat upholstery. And you may never eat another strawberry again. Until next time.
   9. You’ve tried to make the malls balls into an outing and laughter echoed across the land.
      
   10. Bung Fritz. So, you still don’t know what it actually is [probably for the best], but whatever it is, your kids call it fritz not Devon. Possibly because it’s fritz not Devon.Ěý
   11. You’ve imagined yourself on African Safari on the bus around Monarto. You’ve also enjoyed the rare and majestic subspecies of sound more commonly referred to as “silence” when the kids fall asleep on the drive home.
   12. When you hear the word “popeye” you think of a gentle chug along the Torrens with some crackers and a chardy, not the sailor man with arguably the most important celebrity forearms of our time.
       
   13. You’ve ridden a tiny model train at SASMEE park [and you kinda liked it]
   14. You’ve ridden on a slightly bigger train at the national railway museum [and you kinda liked it]
   15. You’ve ridden on a full sized train from Victor Harbour to Goolwa and back [and you kinda liked it]
   16. Your kids call it The Beach House, you call it Magic Mountain and never the twain shall meet.
   17. You’ve yelled “that’s 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝!!” at the TV when an 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝ location appears through the round window on Playschool with a level of excitement that is disproportionate to how thrilling what has taken place actually is.
   18. You’ve clocked up approximately 19 billion steps wandering around the Royal 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝ show, sitting your kids on various pieces of farming machinery whilst carrying 6kg worth of show bags and inflatable hammer.ĚýIt may or may not have been raining. You may or may not have visited the toilets the same amount of times you’ve not won anything in your lifetime when attempting to hook a duck. You’ve rounded out the day by staying up four hours past the kids bedtime to yell colours at the fireworks whilst wondering if your dog will still be there when you get home.
       
   19. You’re secretly relieved Dazzleland no longer exists. Your last ride on the Jazz Junction roller coaster was in 1998 but you remember it like yesterday.

Hit us with your 20th sign you know you’re parent in 91ąű¶ł´«Ă˝â€¦